let It Heal

let It Heal


When God sends a team of might women to intercede on your behalf to pray you through. So as you all know and for those that do not know my story of how God saved me from everything in my life. You can read my story here —–> https://mendthevow.com/my-story/ but here is just a little of where God has brought me from. #UAI.

Nothing has been more of an everlasting reminder than the action of the raped that took place when I was only eleven years old, and I have carried around this weight that feels like it’s choking at the base of my neck, and right down to the core of my spirit. There is an unspoken language inside my heart that at one point in my life wished him to no longer be, and I did not feel guilty of this thought because un shameful he in parted his dysfunctional elements not only within my body, but within my mind, spirit, and life. The decision that he chose to make that night taking me out of my bed in early hours of the morning leading me to that cold floor in the bathroom with the whispers in my ear of the pain ending as his hand covered my mouth. He rushed in, and it left a stained little girl burning with unspoken words.

After this disaster has taken place the words of threats came out of his mouth, and he warded me if I spoke of it to anyone that he would take me away and harm my family; so I kept quiet for the next year, but my intentions was to break apart out of this world by taking my life. No one was going to ever find out of this dirty act, and I wanted to remain hollow, unbothered in the out of touch reality that this deed lead me to.

But this was just the walk in the storm of this natural disaster that was just coming to a complete halt for me, but I was so struck in the form of what happened that I did not see the other intentional plans that he had for me. The sexual intercourse between myself, and this twenty two year old man continued for another year, and three months. I felt so nasty each time he touch me, each time that he abused my body I want to die. He made me feel so nasty on the inside, but he structured the outside appearance of myself that no one would ever had guested what was going on with me. So I had to keep quiet in fear that his threats would confront my reality.

Nothing is more painful than knowing that you can not tell the people that you see every day of what is taking place in your life all because so low life is selling wolf ticket on actions that will never happen, but my eleven year old self did not know this at the time,

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This pain that stabbed me in my heart with pain that was unbearable to carry around , un-purpose pain that would not lead to anything but more pain, and suffering within my life for the next twenty four years of my life. i have carried around the pain of this little girl that never had a chance to heal, and experience life, love, and wholeness.

Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.


well to day I take the first steps to allow thie little girl that never healed to have the chance to stay what she never had a chance to utter out of fear for the safety of her family not caring of her own life.  Today i choose to speak life into this healing phase of my life, and i choose to finally for give you Edward Martin for taking the gift of purity from me, from taking a choice of waiting for the right guy, for interrupting my sanity. i forgive you in all the way that you have hurt me. Today you no longer control my actions,and you longer reside in my thought pattern the cycle is broken today.

Little girl I free you from the darkness that you had to suffer through all these years I release you from being harmed by the wreck less thoughts of fear, suicide, darkness, and being unloved. You are free, and now I must carry on in the healing process to complete what the enemy didnt want me to ever encounter. Unmasking the truth of the fear, pain, and angered that was endured by this action of sexual abuse.