Many days i wrestle with the why, the how, and the when but as I trust God ever the more those thoughts, feelings, and continuals emotions begin to subside because i know that all is in His hands to carry out, and battle on my behalf. what I have learned in recommitting myself to commit to stand on behalf of my husband is that things are not going to just show up, and what I mean in saying this is i cannot just sit around and do nothing while i am waiting.
What’s the focus?
My focus is always the cry of Jeremiah 29:11 this tells me the heart of God’s plan for my life, and he shifts me in a way to cry out before him in the wilderness where he stands up in the heaven to rescue me from myself. The instruction to hold on when I flt like throwing in the throw on yesterday was really real, and I do not share this loosely.
My intentions was a cry to tap out and to see if God was going to hear this cry,, but as God ministered to my heart to hold on, and not to let my feelings takek control I begin to cry uncontrollably as I was driving to work on yesterday. I actually begin to slowly turn this pain that I was feeling in frustration towards my husband into a praise unto God.
Focusing on a praise was not what I intended to do but it did not matter after I started pour my heart out before the altar of God. he heared me, and he was moroe that concerned about what I was going through, and in the same moments He hasten to shift my mind off of the nefgative things that I was feeling, and to simply stand on the promise in which will come to pass concerning all things in my marriage.
After the focus was shift in a whole new direction i wanted to know what was next in this fight to gain the victory! i wanted to know if there was going to be something that would pull me closer into the depths of the thrown of grace, and potentially more mercy because my situation needs it the moents right now. There is not nothing more I thought I could do.
I have fasted on, and off for the last two years, and I have stood, and I have prayed until I could not pray any more, and God is still saying stand, and I am standing. So I had to really shake off the negative, and place my vision back on the focus of the promise. I had to relaize that I am an overcomer by the blood of Jesus, and the reaction of how I was feeling only came from a hurting heart.
As I begin to drive to work, and as the tears still were falling God spoke, and commanded me to go home. I’m like really God in the beginning of my work shift, and He is like yes, and so as I was maing preperation to come home I did not totally understand it all but I was obedient with no stops to the store or no questioning His direction. see it is moments like this that I know that God is shielding me from someone or something, and I only need to know not to question His instructions that he gives me I only need to focus on what he is telling me to do.
So the entire focus to the recommitment of me standing up, and charging heaven with my radical self is to stand at all cost no matter how i feel naturally I focus on the promise, and when the promise still does not look promise I remain focused on the promise that God commanded over my marriage.[bctt tweet=”God never promised this journey was going to be an easy one to travel but with grace, and more out pouring of unwavering mercy is all I need to carry on with a clear view to focus on the promise over my marriage. ” username=”@mendthevow”]
The focus to see what God has promised over my marriage is now in my clear viewing, and i must stand against everything that tries to speak against it. There is nothing that God will not see me through, and I wholeheartedly believe in what he says despite what is in front of me in the natural. i always say things are not what they seem in the natural vs. in the spiritual realm.
What God revealed to me concerning my marriage!
When i grew tired of standing for a marriage that i felt was already broken to the point of no healing taking place, and no getting back to its foundation God stopped me in my thoughts, and ministered to me in a deep way that i did not see. God said you are not standing for your marriage you are standing for a soul, and one other thing He pointed out was your marriage is just an added bounce of your obedience. Wow God! And I cannot turn that off no matter what the fight for this recommitment is the barrel of the fight that is raging in my spirit to pray more, to interceed strongly on the behalf of my husband, to activate more time with God more now then ever before.
I know now the importance of why God has chosen me to stand even when i felt like throwing in the towel. It is his requirement that He gives to the one he can trust to stand in the fire no matter how high the heat is be turned up. i have to mention to the wives that are reading this! your marriage is the flourishing promise from God, and as you remain obedient even in the most deepest part of the painful process in your marriage God is always waiting for your war cry to him so that he can usher you into His presnt to give you comfort, and strength for the journey that you are headed on or are currently in.
What now after all of this?
Now is the time for me to recommit myself totally to the purpose of m marriage while God is restoring the things that I cannot see right now. In the wating process i have committed to heal from this pain while forgiving my husband for his indiscretions. I am fully focused on recovering from the pain, and i am motivated on gain clarity on some issues that have not been resolved from childhood with that being stated I would like to annouced that as of today i will be attending my first therapy session, and after that i have 26 sessions to go. I will be posting after every session to docuemnt my grown, and my process in. taking care of me to be a better woman for the Kingdom of God, and for myself also to become a better wife for my husband.
Healing begins once you admit that you have pain, and you no longer want to live in that dark place. ~ Jereè Black
Hello! My name is Jereè and I began this BLOG to share my journey as a Woman unapologetically as I start the process of mending the pieces of my broken life with God’s help by sharing my life #UnMended while Baring the deepest parts of myself has been very hard, but is so worth it in the end to see the woman I’ll become. So Cheers to healing, and to celebrating my freedon as a woman, in love, in life, and in faith. May you also grow from what I’ve grown from. Xo Jereè