Sunday night changed me about everything that I was feeling concerniing wanting a marriage that I thought could be revived from the state that it was in. Jereè – Founder Of Mend The Vow
i never thought this call would come at a time when I was praying, hoping, and even crying about everything from the last 15 months of this separation period. My phone rang, and it was him on the other line saying that I was on his mind lately, and he wanted to talk to me. I had a slight smile on my face, and then he disapeared from the conversation, and someone else picked up the phone it was one of his cousins stating that I needed to hold on really quick because my husband was buying something out of the store.
His voice came back to my ears, and it was like something that I needed to hear but was not really hearing because he was not saying anythng but ramblings, because he was drunk on some wifey I miss you, and I guess at some point he forgot that I was on the phone, because the conversation went from me on his mind to him discussing with the people that were with him of how many women he was maxing out, and the current woman he was living with.
i did not say one word as this conversation was taking place I just sat on the phone taking everything in, and minutes later he came back to the phone, and said somethings with his last words being i will never call you again. The phone hung up, and I was more confused that I was before. Why did this happen? i did not understand the reason for this phone call or even why he thought I would care of how his sexual encounters were going.
This had me deep in my feelings, and it took me to a place where I was an emotional wreck, and I do not ever want to be back in that place again with him. So after I tried to collect my thoughts, and pull myself together here comes my husband with the disrespectful text cursing, and calling me out of my name. During the phone call he mentioned that no one could ever take his place in my life.
i do not know if that is one of his fears of the door closing on him in my life or what mindset he was on but i am not an option of any one’s second choice. I was, and am still his wife yet now only on paperwork, because i refuse to give sound, breath, or love again to someone that does not see the value in which I give to this union of marriage that we made together.
I never thought that in me praying to God for another chance at my marriage that this would happen. I shut him down, and I too said somethings in the text that was not so good because I was hurt by the things I heard, and by the things he said to me in the text. It does not excuse the disrespect that I showed him. I know that there is something to be learned in this lesson of what I am currently facing within myself, and within this marriage. I simply know now that it is over done without a pulse.
my heart does not feel right about letting go, but in time I will be okay with this choice because i know that this is not something that is good for my life, and I know that I was the one that was holding on to this marriage when he was not, and now that I see where he really is at within himself concerning life, and what he cares about I can finally release him, and go on with my life.
I choose to be without you ( husband), and I choose to still pray for your soul, but. what I choose today may it speak louder than the cries of my heart that I poured out into this marriage. I wish you nothing but the goodness of God. May He redeem you from the snares of the enemy, and I pray these things for myself as well.
What I am seeing in my life is a pattern of setbacks taking back to places where i feel trapped, and where I know where dysfunctional people such as myself, and the people that has been drawn into my life. I know that I can not keep going through the cycles of pain that continues to hurt me; so I know that this area, chapter in my life with this marriage I turn it loose, and give you to God, and once again I release you from my heart, from my mind, and from my memory of pain.
I want to begin to heal from this area of pain, and I want to encourage every spouse out there that is going through any similar things in which I have discussed within this post I pray that you will allow them to see it, and call it out, and heal totally from it. God I know that I am not in a place that pleases you, but I ask that you help me see what you see in me, and that I will gain your strength to walk away from what is not for me.
Allow my heart to be fully opened to you even when sin is involved. I know that outside of your will for my life I am nothing, and I come to know that I will fall each time that I am out of alignment with you. Please show me myself the ugly parts that makes me hide from you all together. I want to be free, and I want women to know that they do not have to run to a man to feel comfort, loved, and or whole. Having you is enough, and a Godly man is just an added bonus to the live of your daughter. I pray these things in Jesus name. Amen.
Hello! My name is Jereè and I began this BLOG to share my journey as a Woman unapologetically as I start the process of mending the pieces of my broken life with God’s help by sharing my life #UnMended while Baring the deepest parts of myself has been very hard, but is so worth it in the end to see the woman I’ll become. So Cheers to healing, and to celebrating my freedon as a woman, in love, in life, and in faith. May you also grow from what I’ve grown from. Xo Jereè