Have you ever been caught in a battle to save the only love that you wanted for the rest of you life?
I never imagine that I would be wriiting about him again, and in the same context of where I left off but even worst ths time. 😩 I thought that i was over dealing with the dysfunctions of that toxic mess of a relationship that I was in. But I somehow did not learn from the pain the last time around.
i was in this off, and on again relationship with this guy well call him “T” ,. He was the most charming, witty, intellectual man that I’ve met in a long time, and i was really take with him because not just anyone can peek my interest.
when we first startwd talking my guard was up so high that no one was bringing it down because i’d builf this wall of protection to keep any, and every negative source out of my life. Until he came, and begin to bothet my heart. I was already healing from on action of a heart break, and I did not have time for someine else to come in, and make it any worse that what it aleady was.
there was sometihng about how he pursued me. He did not just come to play but he was coming to restore ( his words not mine.) At first galance I was curious to know more of what he was meaning behind this wholr notion of coming to restore.
Sometimes playing ya.-self is not seen in the way of knowing that you’re walking into a self destroying situation, but rather opening up too soon to someone, and or something that you have no background information on.
I remember being with him, and just soaking up every moment that we shared together, and then boom he hit me with the one, and two.. You kniw that controlled behavior that some men, not all do when they want to make sure that they have their women in full check mold without her knowing it. it’s called manipulation.
This was the like fifth time that i took him back, and it had to be the final time because i could not keep on allowing mt heart to break open, and bleed to say that i have someone that loves me in public, and will check anyone that tried me but behind closed doors he disrespected me, talked down on me so bad to where I’d cry myself to sleep without him even being awae of it.
i was tired, and I know that i needed to free myself from him, but I was not really sure if I had the strength, and or will power to see it through because in my mind i was still team us. I thought somehow he would see how he was causing so much pain to my heart, and would change into the man that i thought I met before he begin to change.
The tears kept streaming down the corners of my cheeks, and all he would say is get over it, and I would get angry, and cry somemore. The thing that he mentioned for me to get over was the fact that he broke intimacy between him, and I. I was so hurt, and so confused because he always promise me that he would never break my heart, and that he would never cheat on me.
There is nothing more disheartening then knowing that someine you love has broken trust, and the fact that they no longer have respect for you. I tried to get him out of my system by removing myself from his life. I move to a whole nother state, and he still remained deeply within my mind, and my body. i just could not seem to make the disconnect from him, because I was so used to being with him on a daily, and I was still very much in love with him.
Sometimes went on, and i begiin to really focus on my goals, and settle into the new state that i was in. I started to build, and get a little bit of clarity in all that i went through I being to draw closer to the Lord, and I was serving in my minstry again. I was over him, and i blocked his nimbler. Until……. An unknown caller showed up on the screen of my phone, and I answered it, it was him professing that he missed me so much.
i bit for a little bit.. ki know y’all, I know…. It was the rushig of those old ties, and that familiar spirit that i once knew in him. That lonely woman was just taken by hearinf the voice of the man that she thought she could not live without. Weeks past, and we talked, and God reminded me of all the pain that I endured in that relationship. I had to pull it together .
And this is how I found the courage to rise hm out of my system
I had to learn that happines does not equate to pain
I had to know that I had to physically, and emotionally remove myself from him
i had to turn my pain into another message of healing from within
I had to develop the strength to block him again
i had disconnect the stings of my heart from his heart
I had to know that i deserve better
I had to learn that the outter appearance is different from what is hidden on the insdie
I had to allow God to reposition my posture before Him
Hello! My name is Jereè and I began this BLOG to share my journey as a Woman unapologetically as I start the process of mending the pieces of my broken life with God’s help by sharing my life #UnMended while Baring the deepest parts of myself has been very hard, but is so worth it in the end to see the woman I’ll become. So Cheers to healing, and to celebrating my freedon as a woman, in love, in life, and in faith. May you also grow from what I’ve grown from. Xo Jereè