I never really felt like fit in growing up. I was always a bit awkward, a bit of an outsider. I always felt like the odd one out but truth be told, I wasn’t the only one. Looking back, everyone else was trying to find their way too. We all had insecurities, some of us just projected them onto others to make ourselves feel better. Looking back, I am proud of my younger self for being brave enough to stand out!
I grew up in a good, two parent household. My parents were still recovering from their own childhood issues, and dealt with them differently. Daddy didn’t know how to affirm his daughters, Mom had her own stuff she was dealing with. So they couldn’t help me work through my own issues.
I was a kid dealing with lack of self-worth, a deeply feeling, very sensitive creative and bright girl who didn’t always know how to handle her emotions. I was in love with God but it wasn’t cool being into God with me peers, so I kinda hid that to fit in. I didn’t know how to affirm myself, so I looked for it outside of myself.
I struggled with not feeling good enough. I struggled with needing validation from others.
But there’s an infamous saying that ‘validation is for parking.’
I brought all of these struggles and fears into my marriage. I felt the need to fit in with people who were accomplished, creative, talented, all of the things I wanted to be but felt I wasn’t capable of being. I put a bunch of pressures on my marriage, on friendships, on jobs, on other things outside of me, so that I could feel worthy.
I felt I wasn’t enough.
It took me awhile to realize it but I finally get it.
I understand that I am not just ‘good enough’ but I’m brilliant. Beautiful. Talented. Smart. Silly. Creative. Strong. Feminine. Gifted. Insightful. Passionate. Determined. Intuitive. Sensitive (and I OWN that, because it’s my secret weapon!). Anointed. Considerate. Kind. Amongst other things.
And with this knowledge comes the realization that I never need anyone’s approval to be myself. I’ve never needed anyone else or anything else to validate who I already am. I’ve never needed my husband, my son, my job, my degrees, my parents, or ANYONE or ANYTHING else to feel worthy. I was worthy from the day I was born. We all are. And instead of growing into that knowledge even more, we shrink from it, usually based on someone’s uninformed opinion or perception of us.
You don’t need anyone else but you. You’re already worthy. Everything you’re looking for in someone or something else is already inside of you, just waiting for you to discover it!
You don’t need anyone else’s validation. Validation is for parking.
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