A Hard Pill To Swallow
Nothing hits harder than going through a heart break, and nothing is more complicated than experiencing this twice within a years time by 2 different men. ~ Jereè – Founder Of Mend The Vow
I have sworn that i would never go through the pain of having to pick my heart off the ground again but here i am sobbing from a strained relationship that was not suppose to be. After i decided to file for my divorce last year i met someone, and I fell for them hard I never wanted things to end up this way but they did.
When I decided to move ahead in my life i was alreadt seperated from my husband legally for 8 months but on, and off since 2017. We lived together, and lived apart. I always thought that we would regain our composure, and get back to us. I never knew that our marriage would fades away with the dust on the ground I thought that we would captivate each others hearts, and grow from our own individual mistakes but that is just wishful thinking.
This man kthat i begun seeing I thought was going to be the one but boy was i wrong this entire relationship with him lasted on, and off for about 10 months, and boy was it the hardest lessons in my life that I had to learn. “You can not place a band aid on someone to fake heal what you are going through from another relationship that has not been close, and or properly healed from with or without closure.
I grow from my mistakes daily, and the last time i went back to I’ll call him Mr. Wrong he had me believing that everything was going to be different this time around I should have know better because the last time i left Mr. Wrong i stayed gone for 35 days, and i was rebuilding my relationship with God while taking care of myself emotionally as best as i possibly could. Those night I was not around him I cried for him, and as the days went on I got a little stronger, and stronger until he called repeatedly, and i begin to miss him, and answer his calls more, and more.
The first weekend of February was the time where he was asking to see me, and I assured him that is was not going to take place because we were over, and I was not going to play this back, and forward game with him. He kept going on, and on of how he missed us, and how he could not find what he had in me with anyother woman. I never questioned how he felt for me but I knew it was not the will of God for us to be together no matter how much i wanted it. There were a lot of reason why I left the relationship, and there are a lot of reasons as of right now why I am picking up the pieces of my heart, and cry every other day over missing him while being in a whole nother state, and it’s still driving me crazy being away from him.
I know that everything has its time of unraveling, and the way his mess came back to bite him in the but hurt my heart so bad that i can not get passed it right now, and i feel like i keep breakingk down because i can not believe that i was so stupid for falling for hm all over again when I knew better. Admittedly I can not place the blame entirely on him because i chose to jump in my car, and visit himk for the weekend that turned into an extended stay of a month. Now I won’t throw his dirty laundry out there because that not how I roll.
All I know now is that I need to focus on what is ahead of me, and that kneeling without running, and bending without breaking, and remainning on the Potters wheel until I am changed spiritually, and mentally through, and through.