An Injunction In A Changed Behavior
Sometimes looking in the mirror at my own reflction is hard becaue i do not like seeing the flaws that I often ignore, and sometimes refuse to change. Jereè – Founder of Mend The Vow
I had a personal conversation with someone that i misunderstood for a lot of reason, and the way thay broke down the me that they saw really left me speechless in a lot of way. I was told that I was often narrow minded, and that I needed to listen more.
i had this ego stip tripping with myself about a lot of things of how someone that I love deeply hurt me, and not seeing how I hurt them left me feeling eager to fire of the sound of my heart. More, and more i am feeling like I do not know the woman that looks back at me in that cold mirror. I am defensive, angry, cold at times, and really torn up in a lot of unclean ways.
The things that I have been ignoring are the things that are taking a more indepth root in my life, and for reason that i can not express into words of why my refusal is there not to change any of it. I know that in order to walk it like i talk it I have to kneel all the way down, and place them directly at the feet of God.
i really had to find a place within my life to unsheild the things that i had build a brick wall around, and what i found is that i have been hiding within myself for a very long time. I realzise that the inner woman that longs to be fully free, and healed from all of the pain i have to really remain before God, and in His word to keep my spirit broken before Him.
My mind has been literally racing all day on a lot fo things, and i know that I have to settle my mind into the submission of God to do what he has called me to do. There is no time for me slacking, and running under a rock just because more pressure has been applied to my life by myself, and or the enemy.
Here are some steps that I have already taken to get onto the road of changing this behavior of mine.
Stick to a regualr day routine to cleanse my mind in the morning while listening to worship music
Journaling in my physical diary in the morning time. I call this brain dumping
Stop defending things in my life that do not need defending. ( I have God for that)
Journeying to the place that I am afraid to go, but hey I am taking a leap of faith.
The amount of pain that lives inside of my heart is crazy, and the more healed that I desire to be the more of my past tries to pull me back into those dark trenches, and sometimes I allow myself to wonder back there to be conforted by what was or what is not anymore.
At the end of the day i know that I have to surrender it all to God without any type of resistance.