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The Current & The Past

The Current & The Past

Life for me has been crazy all of this week I have held myself accountable, andk it is really helping me to restructure my life on a daily basis without plunging in the deep pool of giving up on myself, and my goals.

Let’s rewind a little. So as you all know I am going through a divorce while in a serious realtionship with the man that has showed up for me more times that I can count on my hands, knees, and toes. I’m openly sharing this because I decided that in this season of my transparancy journey that I refuse to cut any corners of truth. for more insight on this please click here 

My journey is finally making more sense to me on a more personal level, and i know that there are moves in my life that I have made that i kow that are not pleasing to God, and I am doing everything in my power to shift my life in a more positive direction than what it is currently.

I know that Lot of people will not agree my lifestyle or the decisions that I have made, but guess what? They are not waking in my shoes, and further more I would not wish this on anyone. The betrayal that I have experienced in my former marriage has really deaded a lot of hope, and healing in my pathway.

I am building my muscle, and my strength to press forward against anything that tries to stop me in winning in my purpose in God. I know what I am going through wil not break me, and I know that the bed that I have made foe myself is teaching me, and birthing out something that is going to help better me as a women both mentally, and spiritually.

The important fascts about this messiness that I am in is that my will does not matter anymore to me, and my daily declaration to God is to take anything that is not meant for my life out of my life no matter how much it might hurt or how much I do not want Him to remove it. The threshing floor is waiting, and i can not afford to miss my chance to get there, and lean into the presence of God once again.

I have met a lot of women that needs my story, and I have also shed a lot of my old ways to push past the things that cripple me in moving forward in what i have been placed in this world to do, and this is to heal a nation one heart at a time. People will always try to influence you by what they think you need to hear in the moments of your weakness, but what I have learned is that only the pure truth nasty, and all will set you freeer thank yo ever thought you could be in this world.

I’m smiling more, and I am rediscovering what I love, and what does not serve my life anymore. I had to let go of some people that meant me no earthly good, and it broke me in a lot of ways because I thought these people were life long seeds of happiness that would always be there in my life. The thing is you never really know someone until things get way to uncomfortable in your life.

After being out of work for at least six months I finally got back into the flow of things, and now I am currently back working in the health care field, and I thank God for being faithful to me even when I am not always faithful to my relationship to Him. He is always the source of my strength.

Rewinding to February of this year: I was really feeling some type of way about remaining in the home where I shared with my former husband, and I was living there all by myself with constant reminders of what use to be, between him, and I: so I decided to release myself from the place him, and I once shared together. I made up my mind to leave so I placed a plan in action packed up what was important to me (i.e. clothes paper work ect) and I left.

From March – May 0f 2019 I slept in my car, and on and off of someone’s couch. I did this to remove myself from the toxic place that I was living in, and it was hell at first. I found out a lot about myself, and what I have found was I was not as stong as I appeared to be.  This scared me, and motivated me to do better with myself.

I was still attending church faithfully, and I was still working here, and there doing personal grocery shopping for residental customers just to keep gas in my car, and food in my stomach. When I would sleep in my car I would stay up most of nights, and cry, and pray until I fell asleep. i really got tired after my car gave out, and I got stuck in a 24 hour fitness parking lot.

At the end of this tribulation I really got fed up, and I called my mother, and swallowed my pride, and asked if I could stay with her until I got on my feet, and of course she said yes, and that turned out to be one of the worst decisions that I have made because my mom, and i are not on the best of terms, but that is another topic for another day.

I am currently just focusing on clarity, self love, my health, and most importantly realigning myself back into the word of God, and moving forward in my relationship with God. There is hope after divorce, and there is healing after I have faced so many storms in my life.

The Struggle of Sexual Impurity

The Struggle of Sexual Impurity

There is no easy way to discuss sexual impurity when everyone is rising above the standard norm, and waiting to have sex until the day that they exchange vows with the Mr. I’ve been really feeling funny for the last few days, and i really did not know whether I would talk about this topic or leave it alone entirely.

I have been experiencing some difficult times in my life, and while going through this harsh moments in my life I hve notice one thing in my life that has been consistent, and that God pulling me out of the pit of traps that the enemy, and or myself has setup for me. I do not trust myself as of last, because I keep making some really foolish choices, and I keep making excuses as to why my decisions are relevant to my life.

 

I feel like I off balance, and every time i try to pick up the peices of my life, and place it beofre God in some form or fashion things in my life explode again. I get so irritated by the littliest of things, and my attitude is on high alert as of late (do’nt judge me I’m human, and if you knew the full deets you”d know why I said what I said.)

I’ve been chilling with someone, sleeping with someone, and i fell in love with someone all while still being married on paper. I feel like the worst person in the entire world, because this is something that I highly forwned upon when my then husband at the time was out doing it to me. I thought I was just going to get my bones retouched, and or just enjoy myself while I was in this funk of depression. But generally I allowed myself to get caught up in my feelings, and I allowed myself to get to t=know this person on a deeper level.

 

Now before you started pondering where am I seeking God in all of this, and how could I do such a thing knowing that i serve a community of women. let me make this as clear as I possibly can. In the first month of me being in the presence of this person I fought against it all the advances, the attraction, and the deepness that his eye brought into my own eyes when he looked at me. I knew that I was stepping into something that I could not control even if I wanted to.

 

I abandoned my morals for my flesh, and I abandoned God for the pleasures of my body. I do owever regret it, but now I’m in it. There is not a moment of regret in speaking about this to you all. I know that I can not be a hypocrite by saying i want to lead women to living a life of freedom in Christ if i chose to remain slient in what I am currently in. I wanted to make a clear path for any woman that is afraid to speak up on this topic knowing that it is shameful, and not in the light of Jesus.

 

I thought about what would people say about me once I made up my mind to write this post, but in all actuallty it is not there lives to live, and I have to correct my wrongs, and get back right with God. I can not I repeat I can not serve the women that God has placed in my life while I’m living what seems to be my best life in a false mind set. Did that make any sense of what I just said?

Sometimes the truth is hard to tell because of where one might be in their current circumstances, but as for me i can only breathe one breath in, and out at a time. i know that there are a lot of things, and choices that I could have madke differently, but I did, and I am here with everything that I am facing. I am in a whole relationship with sexual impurity, I am not at all focused on being judged, because my truth is my truth. 

I am in not glorifying my action in any way shape or form, but what I will say is what found me is something that I was not looking for in no type of way, but when the heart confront what it needs what is it to do with itself?  I know that this way is not right in the eye sight of God, and i know that I am not suppose to be invovled with anyone while I am currently going through a divorce, and while I am getting back up, and building my relationship back with God.

I am not going to minimize where I am in my life nor am i going to act like everything between myself, and God is all good, but what I do know is this is life right now, and I know that I will not always be in the lane that I am in right now. There is a saying that you can not help who you love, and you can not fight who loves you back.

i would never recommend to any woman that she should get into a relationship with anyone while going through a break-up or in my case going through a divorce. It just happened, and in the beginning I fought against it with all of my might, and I resisted the natural of chemistry that was there the whole time between us, but after just talking, and hanging around each other on a daily basis a relationship form, and the rest is history.

There is a lesson that I am learning from all of this, and there is a level of maturity that I found out about myself, and its that I can not help women if I can not help dig myself out of the hole that I dug for myself. I have been so stressed out, so neasy about allowing myself to discuss this part of my life openly without justifying it.Well here I am, and this is my life in the messiest season that I have ever experienced before ever in my life.

 

I am still finding my way back to the faith, and while its not easy I still have to allow God into all of this mess that I have made for myself. i know that he is not just going to come in, and rescue me right as I need Him too. There is a measure of grace that i know covers my life, and i do not take this for granted not one bit.

When sexual impurity creeped into my life i lost my connection with God, and I lost my sense of self. I grabbed ahold to what felt good to this flesh. I stopped praying, and I stopped attending church, because I fed my flesh instead o feeding what mattered the most my spirit man.

 

What matters in the in between of life, and the present is the way you place your focus back on who matters the most, and that is God. So my prayer daily is to ask God to guide me back to Him. Whatever it takes I’m all in.

Daily Blogging Is it Necessary For The Growth Of Your Blog?

Daily Blogging Is it Necessary For The Growth Of Your Blog?

When I first started blogging I remember showing up eager to look my best, but at the same time I did not want to show up looking like everyone else. But this is the one thing that was the constant strain that play a huge part in my not going forth in writing daily on my blog in the beginning stages. ~ Jereè Founder of Mend The Vow

The giants of blogging have failed many times before they have mastered the strategy behind what works for them, and the content behind why they can now blog daily. This is where they stand out from the other blogs that are not equipped to battle with their blog on any messy writing day of blogging on a consistent basis.

 

Here are some key points that you have to consider before you decided to lean into the headache of blogging on a regular basis. 

  • Do you have enough time to dedicate to blog daiily without running out of content?
  • Have you thought about structural ways to form your topics that are not identical to another bloger subjects?
  • Do you feel mentally prepared to take on comments from your readers?
  • Have you considered preparing scheduled content just in case your day gets to busy?

Here is some blogging encouragement for the newies that are interested in blogging daily to get their name out there in the blogging arena.

There will be many days where you will feel like you can not show up, and write a sentence let alone a paragraph, but you have to feel in the blanks of the empty space where words need to form on your blog.

 

Is Content  Blogging A Right Fit To Market  Your Brand?

Is Content Blogging A Right Fit To Market Your Brand?

This new era of marketing online has really shacking the internet in a good way, but where everyone gets tossed around the worls wide web is when they think that every element of marketing is right for their brand. ~ Jereè Founder Of Mend The Vow

When I first begin tackling how i was going to brainstorm this marketing venture for myself I go lost before I even place one word onto a peice of paper. why? Because I felf like this was going to be something that was going to stomp me in my growing stages if I did not do it the correct way, and I did not feel like being barried under the pressure of maintaining a self marketing gig for my business.

 

Here are some pros & cons I had to encounter when I realized if this was going to be a realistic fit for my brand

Business Blogging Pros & Cons:

As with any content marketing tactic, there are advantages and challenges to blogging:

Pros – 

  • Excellent tool for brand awareness, authority building, storytelling and passive sales messaging.
  • Low barrier to entry with no technical or IT skills required to contribute content.
  • Ability to measure and track performance.
  • Flexible platforms with multimedia capabilities to distribute information in a variety of formats.
  • SEO benefits; enhanced visibility in front of people seeking a specific type of information.
  • Attract new customers, engage existing ones and convert both to buy – more and more often.

Cons – 

  • Can be time consuming to create content.
  • Requires a publisher mindset from brands possibly not used to this model.
  • Requires planning, organization and editorial control, particularly with multiple authors.
  • Creative, unique content can be a challenge.

 

This was a disaster in the making, but as I redeveloped my my on how it would benefit me in the long run I put my mind to work, and begun to strategize on different ways to research on how to use content business related writing to market my brand on a level where it would bring more awareness to the product, and services that I provide, but also bring awareness to the message behind my blog. I realized in by using a dual strategy behind the marketing aspect of it all will bring awareness to the woman behind the blog without me loosing myself behind pushing my brand forward.

 

 

Here’s a word to first time content marketers

Look I know that you are eager to get out, and make noise about your brand, but you have to maintain a level of consistency in what you choose to lead in the market place to get the word out that your brand is here. Take your time, and the awareness of your brand will be heard.

VainGlory ( The Ugly Truth.)

VainGlory ( The Ugly Truth.)

it’s night time here where i am in sunny California, and right now all I want to do is rest my mind, and ask God to help me find me in Him again. Have you ever found yourself in this boat of feeling unsure of where your faith is leading you if anywhere?

Sometimes my  days are more tougher than most, and on others days my worries seem to be  lighter , and filled with less  stress. i intake on the harsh days that I experience in my day to  day life, and  sometimes it is hard to examine what is  real, and what is not real. There is this thick fog that enters the room, and dwells there for a time, and sifts the air right out of my body without me ever missing an in take of what is going on around me .

 

I never know when I will get out of this haze effect that I am in. I literally have to push myself yto talk to God, and I really have to just lock myself in the bathroom just to have quiet time, but sometimes I feel like this is not enough… Like why am I hiding myself in a mid size bathroom just to have some alone time with God?

Before I got placed in this dark place in my life I had this huge light that shibed inside of my heart, but I walked around like I was the most popular person in the Kingdom of heaven like no one could tell me anything, and if anyone had opposite opinion other that that of my own I would kfeel like their truth behind that was irrelevant because I had this I had to be right about everything that was attached to me, and that came from within me. Have you ever been in this state of mind before?

 

See I know now, and I knew back then that God has to be glorified in all matters in my life, and although He was at all times in my life I was around people, places, and things that rubbed off on me, and I started to develop this sense of entitlement because I was saved by grace, and I was walking in the full purpose of my calling or so I thought. I was preaching here, and there, and I was mentoring women, and leading prayer calls, and really just coming into my own as a minister. But what or who was I doing it for?

I found myself going over things in my mind like how I was serving God, and ow He was allowing my then marriage to fall through the cracks. I thought to myself obedience was getting me, or what I was praying for my then marriage no where, and I was really counting on God to show the world that my prayer to Him alone would set the standard of how women should intercede on behalf of their marriage in order for it to prosoer God;s way.

 

One day I got the news that my then husband was out there using drugs, and sleeping around, and the more I found out of his actions out there in those streets the more I encounter God; because I wanted my then marriage to work out, and to be healed, and fuly reconciled back togkether like him, and I never experienced the filth that infidelity. I was living in the state of delusion, and I was not ready to come out of it because I was not ready to accept the fact that My then marriage was coming to a forever end.

There are traces of my prayers that I can still hear in the back of my mind, and there are those lonely night that I remember that still sometimes plays in the back of my mind. How did I not see the signs that God was not going to answer what I was praying for? 

 

When i thought about how weak I was, and the things I poured out to embrace the struggle that I was in while in that marriage I begin to feel so small, and I begin to just look at my paltiform as a negative because the time that I poured in sharing my raw truth, and the naked parts of my marriage I thought in my mind it was all for nothing.

But why was I feeling this way? Was sharing the heart of my than failed marriage the onlym purpose for creating this platform? i came so close to shutting everything down, and just stepping away from it all until God remind me that there was, and is still purpose for Mend The Vow, and that nothing that He formed for this ministry was by mistake. This placed my heart at ease somewhat, but I still had those moments where I wanted to just shut it down, and move on with my life quietly.

 

Life begin to change for me when i stopped looking at myself as my own savor, and when I started to embrace God slowly again as my savor knowing that my existance aside from Him is nothing short of boring. I know how much i need to extend my life back to the alter of God knowing that He is the only one that can repair the broken pieces of this life of mind.

If you are experiencing similarities i encourage you. to do a self examination on your heart, and when you find the ugly truth that you have been walking in Vainglory I urge you to set God higher above anything in your life including yourself.

 

Sometimes It’s Not The Best Time

Sometimes It’s Not The Best Time

There’s another victory lap around the corner, but are you ready for it sis?

I’ve always heard folks say ” The bigger the pain the bigger the power behind those scars she’s experienced.” This is a paraphrase of a lot of advice that I’ve heard over the years, and I know that the suffering one one’s heart can be made whole if the work is done, and if only us as women will allow God to lead us to his divine peace which this world can not take away.

 

I’ve learned that in times of healing you have to shut the door to certain things, places, and especially people when you are in your down time in learning how to re-evolve as a woman that has been through some harsh times.

When you are shifting from a place of natural stability to spiritual stabilty you have to curve the things that you intake, and you have to change positions as to how you repsond to the things that no longer serve your live, but in this area being kind is not going to work, because people with test the waters with your heart, and most likely will challenge your state of mind pertaining to your new realm of thinking.

 

 

Take action

There is nothing wrong with you placing yourself as a priority, and letting the others figure out life for themselves without you. Remember you cant pour from an empty cup; so make sure that you are always taking time to rest, and replenish your heart, your mind, and your spirit so that you can begin to pour from the overflow, and not just the portion of what you are feeding to your community.

 

Here’s some tips to flow through in the coming week to stay on track in taking care of yourself in the healing process.

  • Take time to learn who you are again.

  • Take up a new interest, or craft, and or new hobby.

  • Take up time with a mentor, or a friend that can relate to what you are going through.

  • Take time to ease back into the roation of life as a new woman planted in God’s truth.

You’ll never regret the work that you’ve done, once you have mastered the art of solitude. ~ Jereè Founder of Mend The Vow

 

 

Sis you have to learn that there is power in to small letters

 

No” , and when you mean the strength behind the reason you are saying no to what you are not comfortable doing in your life to

plesse someone else, but knowing in your heart that it devalues what you stand for as a woman you will sleep better at night know that you made the right choice behind saying no. 

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