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A Prayer To End Domestic Violence

A Prayer To End Domestic Violence

Sunday morning at 2:57 A.M i found myself calling the police after being jump on by someone that I was seeing that I thought I was going to be with for the remainder of my life here on earth. What begin as a simple no to him when he asked could i drive him to the store because he was intoxicated already, and I was in the house about to head to sleep This was around 11:00 P.M I was not about to go outside because it was cold,, and I was desitring to get into the word of God.

I never seen this side of a person in my time of being in a relationship just go off the deep end just because someone rense to change there mind from saying yes i’ll take you to the store, and then 10 seconds later calls you, and says never mind i do not feel like coming out of the house.

 

God was preparing me before this happended he cautioned me to get out of the room , and to head to the living room. This is where I normally sleep to take y time out with God, and to just chill to collect my thought, and for the most part the living room is where i structure my day.

For some odd reason he got very upset with me for not taking him to the store. He proceeded to come up stairs, and he begin to talk about how he felt about me changing my mind about taking him to the store. I told him it was not that big of a deal, and he begin to get even more bothered about it. he left, and came back even more intoxicated than he was before, and he started talking, and I started to really see that this is not something that I want to continue in. “The relationship.” 

 

I knew it was the wrong relationship just based on how we came together it was sin, and there was no other way to look at it. I was praying, and seeking God about sign if this was his will or was I just following my heart, and every morning that I would wake up God would lead me to a scripture on adultery.

This really started to bother me, but it seemed like the more, and more i would ask God to get me out out this sin the more my flesh was desiring the sexual deeds of this sin. I was trapped in the flesh, and my spirit was dying because of my disobedience to God.

 

when he came back in the house around 2:30 A.M he was just talking all over the place, and I stop him by stating I do nor want to be with you any more. my why for this is simply it does not align with my life in God. He got mad, and started calling me out of my name, and he started to just look at me differently, and at this point I was not scared because I did not know what he was actually on.

When he heard the words from me of stating i do not want to be with you anymore he got so pissed of at me, and he chuncked a whole 1 gallon full water bottle at me, and luckly it missed me, and he seemed to feel some type of way because it missed me.

He came over to where I was, and he started to tug on me, and he jumped on me, and ladies I was terrified seriously. I got my phone, and begin to dial 911, and he just got even more mad, and if it was not for my mother coming to my rescue when she did more harm to myself could have been done. This shook me to my core, and now I am in complete defense mold.

The police showed up, but of course he ran before they made it to our residence, and the police just simply stated they could not do anything, and just informed me to get a restraining order. The system to protect women, and men that suffer in domestic violence relationships have no help.

What if I was the only one home that night with him? And what it something horrible would have happened to me? I do not want to think about it but it’s time that we do soemthing to stop the silence, and to stop thinking that it is ok for someone to place their hands on us.

 

If you in an abusive relationship please reach out by calling

you can also send e-mails to HopeForTheHealing@gmail.com

 

Let’s pray!

 

Dear Father,

This morning is really a tender moment in the lives of everyone that has been subjected to the hands of domestic violence, and this morning I want to ask that you take the hearts of the one’s that has been a victim both past present, and sad to say even future victims may you show them who this person is before they even get involved with them, and the women that feel like they can’t get out please show them the way out, and provide them with the necessary resources so that can begin again. I pray these things in Jesus name. Amen

What This Season Is Teaching Me

What This Season Is Teaching Me

 I honestly do not know where to begin, and or what to share, and what to keep personal. I mean as much as I share of my life on here. When does personal become private? Jereè – Founder of Mend The Vow

When I decided to open up about any, and everything that I was facing within my life i made a pact with myself that I would be open, honest, and horribly transparent without fear of being judged by anyone that heard of my story, and or whomever read my blog posts.

 

So here I am an living in the guilt of the shame of my sin, and in the heat of making the decision that will break not only my heart of another heart that is really into my heart, but not apart of God’s plan for my life. When I made up my mind to finally file the official paperwork to file for my divorce my head was so cloudy, and my feelings were so scattered to the point where I do not think I was ready to deal with it all.

When I decided to move back to the same city that my then husband was living at with his new girl friend I felt messed up about why’d I came back, and why I was not sticking to my guns about standing for my marriage. I was shook beyond belief when people would tell me the things that we coming out of my ex- husband’s mouth about not wanting to be with me anymore.

 

I was bothered about him putting our private matters out there, and to just leave me out here looking stupid all of this time when I was the one being the faithful wife to him. I prided myself on loyalty, and prayer in these last two years before it really got bad I was the one that begin making the tough necessary changes in the marriage in order for us to move on to another level in our lives. But sometimes change comes entirely way to late for some marriages.

I believed for a long time that God was going to rejuvenate my marriage, and revive it to the point of healing that it would minister to the world, and to His promises for marriages worldwide, but there is this thing that happened that tore my world apart, and it crippled me from even caring about the survival of my marriage all together. I met someone back in May. We vibed so good, functioned so deeply beautiful together that I thought this was it for me, and I called up my soon to be ex husband, and told him these exact words. “I met someone.”

 

He then immediately said ok file the divorce papers, and things from there in our communication was no more. I thought it through, and I thought I was really ready for what this type of thing brought , but the process of the emotions that cript up on me was too much for me to carry on my own. I got really tight with this man I became sexually invloved with, and I got to a place where I felt lost, and alone. I did not know who I wasanymore, and i really did not want anyone to know what i was facing, and or what I had gotten myself involved into.

I thought i had enough strength left to fight a little more to put this all behind me, and to move forward with the rest of my life. man this thing never ends well when I try to do it my own way. i thought i could begin a new fun filled life with this new guy in my life, and still serve God, and freely move about in my purpose, but this is so far from the truth of it all. I feel the guilt when him, and I kiss because its sin, and it shines like a magnet over my head.

 

I feel the stigma of pain that I felt when facing the adultery that my soon to be ex-husband brought into our marriage. The hurt, the shadows of women that he slept with were on the sheets of my bed every time he came home to be intimate with me, and now that him, and I have department I am doing the same to him in his absence.

What I am learning is that when I pointed the finger at him i was creating a pattern for myself to be judged on the same sin that he was currently doing, and when I was laughing at him I was disrupting the kindness that I was suppose to show him as his wife even though the sin was created I still should have been praying for the Glue (God) in our mariage to stand up, and fight for us.

 

I knew getting invloved with someone else while I was still dealing with all of this in my marriage headed for divorce, and being still emotionally messed up over it was not a good combination.

The road to redemption 

I havedecided to ultimately break it off with the guy that I am seeing, and I am dragging my feet in doing it. I know that I need to put a rush on it sooner than later because it is not right for me to be entangled in this tyoe of thing especially with me being a Christian I made a mistake, and I am deeply asking God to forgive me, and to allow me to feel the entire effect of this storm; so that I will never have to repeat it ever again.

 

 

Getting Back To The Basics Of Life

Getting Back To The Basics Of Life

I have been really missing out on my self care routines, and some challenges that I have set out for myself, and as you know there is a old time saying ” there’s no time like the present.”  i know that in life there will always be time to set a side to reflect on what needs to be done, and nothing can bring a huge insight of self reflection, and awareness like a good book.

Smart woman always learn from there mistakes, and even smarter women read to promote better self care methods to better structure themselves in life. I stumbled across this book

The Smart Girl’s Guide to Self-Care 

This is a really good guide for women that want to become a better version of herself, and it is also for the woman that does not know where to start in caring for herself, but wants to learn how to be better to herself.

 

After digging into a good book I thought about how my skin really needed another big fix so i was thinking og=f the old products that I was using, and how some worked yet some were really bad for my skin.

I have extremely sensitive skin; so it get really tricky finding products that are well for my skin type. i am glad that I found Organic Cocoa Butter  

Seeking self love is being able to walk away from everything that is hindering you from becoming who God has purposed you to be in Him. so whatever is stopping you from seeking God, and the purpose that He has on your life get ride them. It will hurt to let go of people, and it will even hurt not to be in the same old place that brings you a sense of comfort, but do it anyway.

 

Every woman i know loves a good pair of jeans That compliment her frame, and that shows that she still has it while keeping it classy, and modest all at the same time. There are so many important things that you can learn about yourself, and if you take the time to love yourself daily you’ll learn that nothing changes but time, and seasons, and the way you love yourself should never get placed on the back burner.

There is a level of strength that you will gain when you stop allowing the disappointments get you down in life. It is only when you start to count up the cost, and realize that you are not the same version of yourself that you were the day before, and that with each day that comes, and goes you will set the tone of your day when you pray, and give God the first fruits of your day.

 

When you feed your spirit, and starve your flesh you will gain more insight on how God is moving within you, and when you defeat the lies of the enemy you will find a greater release to fight for what you have in the Kingdom of God. You know you have everything inside of you to get up right where you are right now, and declare that you are going to shift into the woman that God is calling you to be.

If you are wondering what are the steps in doing something that you may be afraid to do well I want to encourage you to drop me an e-mail mendthevow@gmail.com, and I will walk you through the steps that God has given me to close every door, and not to walk back towards them ever again once He closes them permanently.

 

Let’s close out in prayer.

 

Dear Father,

Help us your daughters to stop climbing back into the things in our lives that you have called us apart from, and please as your are guiding us into this next season please allow us not to help you in things that you have total control over. Let us be happier in the choice to stand for you, and to remove ourselves from all that is not like you. I pray these things in Jesus name. Amen.

Breaking The Mold ( I’m Not Made To Be In a Box)

Breaking The Mold ( I’m Not Made To Be In a Box)

I keep asking myself! Why do I keep running back to the same places that hurt me, and ther keep throwing off track? I know telling myself that this time will be much different, and that my  walk with God is getting stronger that ever before, but what is the problem that really lies down on the inside of my heart?

Life apart from God is a life that is without purpose, a life without joy, and a life without happiness. I never folded this time in walking my life out with God, but I have made some major, and minor mistakes that keeps wrecking my hekart, and I have finally threw both of my hands up, and I am saying enough is enough.

 

I thought I was ready to be in a relationship again all because someone told me that God sent me to them, and that we were suppose to get married; but when I started seeking God He revealed a few things to me in His silence.

These Key principles this week taught me that I am only allowing my ears to surrender to what god has been telling me this entire time. This morning I was searching on google ” Dating the wrong guy.” and this article poped up!

 

 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28

Whenever I am thinking on or praying about relationships, mine or other peoples, this verse is always an excellent foundation. God makes things work for your good, and that includes your dating life. If you trust in Him and listen to what he says about relationships, He will work for your good.

Dating is complicated, tricky, testing and can be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. But it can also be joyful and Christ honouring. Doing it right is flipping hard and requires some serious dedication. I’m not claiming to have this down, or to always get it right. In fact, I feel able to talk and write about this topic precisely because I have got it wrong so many times and God has consistently shown me grace and turned my mistakes into good.

I have found that the main challenges facing Christian girls (and the ones I struggled with HUGELY) are dating non-Christians, not having sex before you’re married, and the christian relationship myth! I’ll briefly touch on these three things from what I’ve learnt in my own experiences.

But honestly, the main lesson I’ve learnt is a difficult one: it’s frustrating and easy to pretend it’s not true, but God’s way is the best way, like it or not.

Ready? Let’s go… Read more On Girl Got Faith

 

I know when I was going further in talking things over with God he instructed me to go to Deuteronomy 5:18, and literally felt all the word of this scripture through my veins. I did not know what to do with it; so i tried to keep the relationship side of things on my in non sexual like just kissing without the added intimacy. But all faied when the person that I was seeing flt like going there, and I told him that I was not wanting to have sex, and e went further, and I got up, and told him that I was done, and that I did not want to see him anymore.

 

Here’s the core lessons that I’ve learned from this! 

  • When God speaks listen the first time

  • Do not try to re-work something that is not hand picked by God for your life

  • Stop trying to justify why you can’t live without it

  • Trust God in all things without wavering

  • Release the residue

  • Fight hard in prayer, and in healing to break the soul tie

  • Don’t beat yourself up over the mistake

  • Accept your part on what took place

  • Grow from the lesson

I know that God is calling mek into a place of solitude in order for me to bloosom into the Woman that He has design for me to be in His Kingdom; so I am going on a new journey of self discipline, and self care in a more deeper way.

Single, Saved, Celibate, And Pushing 40:Blog Series

Single, Saved, Celibate, And Pushing 40:Blog Series

The biblical story of Onan (Gen. 38) is traditionally linked to referring to masturbation and condemnation thereof, but the sexual act described by this story is coitus interruptus, not masturbation. There is no explicit claim in the Bible that masturbation is sinful. Source

Today was a pretty close call of temptation for me. I was hanging in the bedroom of my ex, and I just came in from a day filled with church, and hanging with my sisters’ in Christ> I was sort of sleepy, and I wanted to be near a familiar face, and to my surprise the feeling was mutual on his part. As I walked in his bedroom one of my favorite shows was on “Power”, like a natural instinct I got comfortable, and laid on him, but I immediately got up; after I checked myself.

 

I stated out loud how wrong that was, and I continued to watch the show with him.As we laughed together while watching the show it felt good to be in his company. There was however certain thoughts going on about in my mind, and as I was trying to shift my mind back on the television how we were watching a sexual scense came on. How convenient right at the moment i was casting down thought of me wanting to be intimate with my ex this happens. I was trying to keep my focus, but I could not stop looking at him from the corner of my eyes.

 

as the blocking of the heat from my thoughts were still being casting down to the pits of hell the show ended, and there was nothing in the room but silence, and as I was about to get up to head out of his room I crossed over him to get out of the bed, and he position me right onto his rod the tension between him, and I got hot really quick, and heavy. I knew what was about to take place, and as he was about to take off my undergarments I stopped him in his tracks. I want to go there, but I know I was tired of the back, and forward that this sin brought into my personal space. But he was not going to allow my no to deter him from trying to cap me off.

 

as he begin to kiss me, and rub his fingers in my stuff I told him that I was going to remain celibate, and that I was not going to allow him to have sex with me, and the more he tired the more I did not want to fight him off; so I did the next best thing I masterbated with him knowing that this is still sin under the eye sight of God. Now even though I did not have intercorse an intimate moment of vaginal sex I still had a mishap of a sexual deed. i thought I was going to be abole to slide on in this area because I did not allow him on the inside of me, but it’s still a sinful, and lustful act.

 

There are still learning curves that I am learning, and even though I am setting boundaries I have to set more in order to keep myself in alignment of my personal space with him as a woman. I know that I can no longer be in close quaters with him any longer, because I still have major feelings for him, and I can not afford to slip into anymore states of sin. This is truly teaching me where I am weak in area of my life, and where I really need to fast for the dying of this flesh.

 

Choosing to be celibate is not an easy task, but I am fully determned that I will serve in this area of my life with a pure heart, and to offer my body as a clean vessel in every way unto God. The fall came, and it hit me even harder before this; but I refuse to keep back tracking, and repenting for the same things that I know I have power over to conquer, and put it under my feet.

The Broken Pieces

The Broken Pieces

When I was a child a lot of terrible things happened to me, and I begin to act differently as I grew into a teenager I developed certain cravings that the average teenager shouldn’t even have thoughts of. I never acted out on most of the thoughts that ran passed the corners of my mind, but the ones that did step into my reality really took me by surprised.

I never thought about seeking help until I was around thirteen years old, and when I mentioned it to my mother she was not in the mood to be bothered of what I was going through in that moment; so I kept acting out because I was hurting so I ran into the arms of a boy that stayed down stairs I was fourteen years old, and he was nineteen years old. It started out as a crush, and I knew that by me being a P.K that I was not allow to spend alone time with him especially with him being in such close proximity to where I seek. I knew my mother would have her eyes glued to me at all time.

 

So I decided to place a plan in action. I thought about how I would be able to still spend time with him, and how to also get my mother’s approval of it at the same time. So I invited him to church one night, and it wasn’t just to any kind of church service my mother was running a revival, and I knew that she could not totally keep her eyes solely on me. So as me, my mom, and my older brother got in the car a voice shouted wait for me. It was the boy from down stairs, and my mom had no idea that he was even going to church.

As we drove off my mom was just looking my way with the look of madness on her face like little girl if only you could read my thought right now. I was not that concerned about it because I knew she has to keep her spirit pure before God especially even the fact that she was about to preach was the focal point of her not going smooth upside my head in the car.

 

The thing about being fourteen years old, and boy crazy was not where I was at i was feeding a deposited soul tie that I was not currently aware of at this age. I was starving for sexual attention, and I know that I still had to remain the innocent church girl in certain people’s eyes; so that nothing would appear differently to anyone that was close to me, or even worse close to my mother.

I had to learn at a very young age that if i was not suppose to be a certain way in life then i had to keep certain things about myself a secret, and I had to reframe from indulging in the act of sexual sin in front of the wrong crowd; so what I was, and what I mimicked as a front was on a whole nother level of cover-up. I would go to school, and sometimes I would play the angel in middle school, and when I got home I would be normal me. The girl that would want to just sexually express herself with the boy downstairs.

 

There was no reason behind the same that I felt other than the sexual abuse that I faced as a child, and the things that I was forced to do at the age of ten years old. I still can remember being under the cover sucking on the penis of my abuser while my family was in the same room enjoyinh television like everything was normal; because they did not know what was going on. My abuser would hide me from my mother, and would lie to her as if I was playing outside when she was ask if he’d seen me.

I have grown so tired over the years just reliving out what bruised me so badly in life. i mean i remember having trust issues at the age of eleven years of age, and I remember feeling so distant from everyone after the night I got raped. I felt like nothing was personal anymore, and I felt like I was the reoccurring target that did not have no escape plan to run to. There was no sheild that could defend me, and I felt so lost, and alone. I just wanted to be barried alive, but every time I got the courage to do something, and or say something my abuser would remind me of the consequences of what would happen to me if I uttered a world to anyone.

 

Have you ever felt so alone in a place where even God couldn’t step into? Jereè – Founder of Mend The Vow 

I was there, and sometimes when i reenter this place I often have to shake myself out of it, because it’s easy to get lost here. Feeling like I am dying on the inside all over again. The betrayal of my heart it can not seem to scape the lonely nights, and the pain of my tears I had to endure from the countless unwanted touches laid on my body by the hands of my abuser.i remember at times I was so broken in my spirit to where I was just close my eyes, and pretended that I was dead that is how I got through the torment of the sexual abuse, and most of the time I would just mentally go on a vacation, and i would return to my thoughts when it was over.

 

No one could ever understand the deepness of the pain that sexual abuse is on a child turned teenager, and now processing all of this built up pain as an adult. Always woundered to myself! Would I ever get passed this pain in my heart? I never knew the world was this cold until I experienced pain at such an early age in my life. There is nothing like shedding tears behind something that traumatized you as a child. I needed healing then, but I ran away because I was to scared to turn the knob on the door to the pain that was hiding down in the pitts of my heart.

I can honestly say no that I am really to put this all the way in God’s hands, and say good by to all of this pain, and release it at the alter, and get healing because hurting behind this is not going to make the abuse disappear. So the journey to heal from it all is underway, and I also want to invite any woman that is struggling to heal in any area of their life to fully committ it into the hands of Jesus knwoing that He is able to pull you out of this with a great testimony behind it.

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