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VainGlory ( The Ugly Truth.)

VainGlory ( The Ugly Truth.)

it’s night time here where i am in sunny California, and right now all I want to do is rest my mind, and ask God to help me find me in Him again. Have you ever found yourself in this boat of feeling unsure of where your faith is leading you if anywhere?

Sometimes my  days are more tougher than most, and on others days my worries seem to be  lighter , and filled with less  stress. i intake on the harsh days that I experience in my day to  day life, and  sometimes it is hard to examine what is  real, and what is not real. There is this thick fog that enters the room, and dwells there for a time, and sifts the air right out of my body without me ever missing an in take of what is going on around me .

 

I never know when I will get out of this haze effect that I am in. I literally have to push myself yto talk to God, and I really have to just lock myself in the bathroom just to have quiet time, but sometimes I feel like this is not enough… Like why am I hiding myself in a mid size bathroom just to have some alone time with God?

Before I got placed in this dark place in my life I had this huge light that shibed inside of my heart, but I walked around like I was the most popular person in the Kingdom of heaven like no one could tell me anything, and if anyone had opposite opinion other that that of my own I would kfeel like their truth behind that was irrelevant because I had this I had to be right about everything that was attached to me, and that came from within me. Have you ever been in this state of mind before?

 

See I know now, and I knew back then that God has to be glorified in all matters in my life, and although He was at all times in my life I was around people, places, and things that rubbed off on me, and I started to develop this sense of entitlement because I was saved by grace, and I was walking in the full purpose of my calling or so I thought. I was preaching here, and there, and I was mentoring women, and leading prayer calls, and really just coming into my own as a minister. But what or who was I doing it for?

I found myself going over things in my mind like how I was serving God, and ow He was allowing my then marriage to fall through the cracks. I thought to myself obedience was getting me, or what I was praying for my then marriage no where, and I was really counting on God to show the world that my prayer to Him alone would set the standard of how women should intercede on behalf of their marriage in order for it to prosoer God;s way.

 

One day I got the news that my then husband was out there using drugs, and sleeping around, and the more I found out of his actions out there in those streets the more I encounter God; because I wanted my then marriage to work out, and to be healed, and fuly reconciled back togkether like him, and I never experienced the filth that infidelity. I was living in the state of delusion, and I was not ready to come out of it because I was not ready to accept the fact that My then marriage was coming to a forever end.

There are traces of my prayers that I can still hear in the back of my mind, and there are those lonely night that I remember that still sometimes plays in the back of my mind. How did I not see the signs that God was not going to answer what I was praying for? 

 

When i thought about how weak I was, and the things I poured out to embrace the struggle that I was in while in that marriage I begin to feel so small, and I begin to just look at my paltiform as a negative because the time that I poured in sharing my raw truth, and the naked parts of my marriage I thought in my mind it was all for nothing.

But why was I feeling this way? Was sharing the heart of my than failed marriage the onlym purpose for creating this platform? i came so close to shutting everything down, and just stepping away from it all until God remind me that there was, and is still purpose for Mend The Vow, and that nothing that He formed for this ministry was by mistake. This placed my heart at ease somewhat, but I still had those moments where I wanted to just shut it down, and move on with my life quietly.

 

Life begin to change for me when i stopped looking at myself as my own savor, and when I started to embrace God slowly again as my savor knowing that my existance aside from Him is nothing short of boring. I know how much i need to extend my life back to the alter of God knowing that He is the only one that can repair the broken pieces of this life of mind.

If you are experiencing similarities i encourage you. to do a self examination on your heart, and when you find the ugly truth that you have been walking in Vainglory I urge you to set God higher above anything in your life including yourself.

 

Refocusing My Attention Back To My Purpose

Refocusing My Attention Back To My Purpose

Sometimes gray space happen in my life, and I hide from purpose. Why because a lot has gone on in my life, and at times I ready to deal with it, but the majority of the time I am not will to do anything but to just sit, and watch nothing episodes of senseless shows just to past the time.

Has this ever happened to you? 

I never get excited about sharing where i am currently in my journey, and I had to put a huge cap on over sharing with the world until I felt totally ready to talk about the struggles of the life after him (my husband), and my soon to be ex-husband at that. I never really thought it would ever happen. But hey it’s life, and it for sure has to go on without him in it.

Have you ever thought of shutting down your purpose for a little while?

 

It is ok if you did!!! Because sometimes you have to take sometime for yourself too regroup, and to refocus on you. The purpose cannot move unless you are centered in the stage of being ready, and aligned where God is ready to set your feet to travel to.

I am well aware that purpose has to meet me in every section of my life. Like right in this moment I do not feel like I should be typing, but this is where courage shows up for me, and it gives me that extra push that I need in order to do the best things that makes me move in purpose. Flowing in encouragement has not always been one of my strong suits as a woman I have always hide in the background, and watched others from afar. I always desired to element my story in ways that would touch the lives of hearts that needed to be healed, but I also struggled with the reason of why did it had to be me?

 

I have noticed that every fragile piece of my heart has been un-mended. can you imagine praying, worshipping, and ministering for almost 3 years without wavering one ounce of your faith, and then boom the reality of your life hits you harder than anything you have experienced before?  I searched for answers, and I prayed for healing, and I got nothing in return of what I thought I was suppose to received; so I shut down. I woke up one morning, and told myself this was it for me.

Some of the hardest days have been not praying, not seeking clarity for my life, and not reestablishing my faith, and tighting up my relationship with God. I’ve cried a little today, because I miss the intimacy that only God can proved in times like these. I know that in messy season things are not always going to look how I expect them to look, and I have to be ok with that.

When I feel defeated i lean on the following scriptures to pull me back in the race of my purpose. 

Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Proverbs 16:9 – A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.

Romans 8:28 – And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.

John 15:16 – Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and [that] your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.

Acts 26:16 – But rise, and stand upon thy feet: for I have appeared unto thee for this purpose, to make thee a minister and a witness both of these things which thou hast seen, and of those things in the which I will appear unto thee;

Matthew 28:19 – Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:

Ephesians 1:11 – In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will:

Ecclesiastes 12:13 – Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this [is] the whole [duty] of man.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 – What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost [which is] in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?

Isaiah 43:7 – [Even] every one that is called by my name: for I have created him for my glory, I have formed him; yea, I have made him.

Isaiah 14:24 – The LORD of hosts hath sworn, saying, Surely as I have thought, so shall it come to pass; and as I have purposed, [so] shall it stand:

Isaiah 14:27 – For the LORD of hosts hath purposed, and who shall disannul [it]? and his hand [is] stretched out, and who shall turn it back?

Philippians 2:1-4 – If [there be] therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies,

Jeremiah 1:5 – Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, [and] I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.

Isaiah 14:26 – This [is] the purpose that is purposed upon the whole earth: and this [is] the hand that is stretched out upon all the nations.

Psalms 139:13 – 127:16 – For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb.

 

Shaking Off The Spirit Of Discomfort

Shaking Off The Spirit Of Discomfort

For days now i have been feeling really low in my spirit, and I have really sunk into this uncomfortable pit. Why? Because i miss my husband badly, and this seperation period is ripping me apart, I cry over it, I fast during it, and i pray to fight while standing in the middle of opposition.

The days seem longer than ever before but the nights seem to roll by as I sleep wake up and scroll through my phone to avoid falling asleep again. In my body I feel emotionally drained, and I finally get the courage to text my husband to let him know that I have been thinking of him as of late, and moments later no text, hours fade by still no response from him.

My strength begin to fail me while I wait, and the sadness deepens within y heart, but God is a keeper of His promise, and His love for me. every moment that I would feel like breaking down again God sends me me a direct scripture to renew my strength in Him, and for the fight to stand for my husband no matter what this storm is showing me in the natural.

 

It get tough when the night fall comes to know that I can not reach out for him, and it gets the toughtest when i have to take out the trash, because my husband would always do that chore around the house. This is the reality of things in my household for now, but it is not the end of what god is doing in my marriage.

5:30 A.M this morning my alarms goes off, and the first thing I hear God speak to my heart is blog! this is the face ? I have concerning that. I thought with all of the emotions I am feeling how come you desire for me to spill my emotions of a blank canvas, and here i am stank breathe crud still in my eyes, but God. I am realizing the measure of my obedience pleases god more than my whining does.

 

Can I be real, and very transparent? 

Being without my husband is like really not at all what I expected it to be. I thought I was going to show him a thing or two by trying to live without him while clinging on to God for my strength well it has been more like me dragging my faith to the alter to be renewed but only in this area. My mind set really had to change, and I really had to challenge myself not to be the weakes link in all of this…

Here’s the breakdown.

I was doing everything but sinning to make sure that My husband was taking care of. Read more here!  

I know that i had to level up in my strength not to give into the things that would keep pacifying my husbands needs this is where God stepped in a few weeks ago, and got on me so badly. i was wrecked in my spirit, and I felt so bad by allowing myself to be in the way of God. Have you ever been there?

 

Getting me together in this dicomfort to a place of just rendering my yes to god even at times where I do not want to say yes to Him. ??‍♀️ There is something about enduring in the wilderness that really makes looking at other peoples lives while at the same time wanting to weep becaause you know they need more deliverance, and you are going through without your spouse. Yes I’m going there but not living in comparision but in the norm of thoughts. Have you ever been there? 

Here’s where the meausre of truth comes in, and I begin to think about why I am feeling so stuck, and so isolated when this is not how I felt a few days ago. I miss the cruddles, the kisses, the intimacy, and I want it back but not before the work is done I have to admit that because intimacy is the desire of my flesh, and I do not want somethng undone. Cab you relate?

 

Here’s some encouraging news God is not going to place anything on me that I can not bear, and as of this morning I am shaking off the dust to whom ever set a trap before me, because I am going to come out of this discomfort, and abide in the comfort of my Rapha because in Him are all things made new.

Reach For God

Reach For God

[bctt tweet=”Lately God has been revealing a lot of unresoved issues that have been lingering within my heart, and at a glance it shook me to the core of my heart.” username=”@mendthevow”]

 

There has been some major challenges that I has to cry through, and run to God to for his sufficient grace to help me. I know that a lot of times when there is pressure to stand I feel like doing the opposite like collapsing, and laying in my bed just to hide from it all. But I know this is not what I am suppose to do. So! What happens when attacks keep falling in the midst of a strong storm? i Trust God, and I still believe, I Trust Him to bring me out, And I Trusting His will for my life.

Sometimes I want to just mangle my mind around the things that are right in front of my face. But God! He is the source of all things that keeps me from falling, and i am thankful that each time the valley gets really low I find God coming to intervene on my behalf with a strong word behind it to hold on. Now what I have realized is that I have gotten so uncomfortable in this season to where I shifted from fasting to just riding the faith of my strength, and this is not a bad placed to be.

 

Faith is the substance of things Hoped for, and the Evidance of things not Seen.

Hebrews 11:1

When faith steps comes in, and drives you to a place where you are not focused on the present things that are going on around you this is when you are living in the focus of God, and this is when you neeed to perfect your faith, and you may want to get a pen, and a piece of paper for this one.

  1. Gain strength in reading God word daily, and if you can not carry your bible with you 24/7 download the YouVersion App. it will help you study the word of God hands free if you can not read with your eyes while you are on the go.

  2. Fast regularly to keep your Flesh dead, and underneath your feet. God has daily instruction for us to live a life that is pleasing unto to Him.

  3. Restructure the things that you are placing in your life (i.e what you watch on television, what music you listen to, who your are hanging around act.)

  4. Stop isolating yourself get out of the house, and reconnect with your friends that you have not seen in a while that are good friendship now I’m not speaking of the people whom God removed out of your life for certain reasons.

  5. lately do not allow the toughness of the storm to interrupt what God has commanded you to stand on.

Let’s connect!

If you are struggling in any area of your faith you can reach out to me by sending me an e-mail  

Keep the faith, and reach for God at all cost.

Stop Quitting, And Jump Back Into The Journey

Stop Quitting, And Jump Back Into The Journey

The turning point in the journey get tough, and I know at times it can seem like the only option is to just throw both of your hands up, and quit it all. 

But there is a God that still requires works from our hands to do, and we can not afford to fumble the ball just yet because the enemy is waiting on your to eject from the journey, and to break down. This can not be because the more weak you seem you are becoming in the spirital realm you are gaining so much ground in God, and the enemy knows it; so hold on to God’s unchanging hand because He is leading you to your mountain.

 

There is is something so powerful that needs to come out of you, and for this reason your obedience to God can not be compromised is no such way. The more to yeild to the will of the Lord, and come out of the will of yourself the more you will gain power from on high that you need to journey on, and keep the enemy under your feet.

[bctt tweet=”Some of you may never understand why God has hand picked you and has chosen you to go through all the things that you go through. #HoldOnToHim” username=”@mendthevow”]

 

you have to understand as well that the very things that you are going through is not for you it is for someone else but what you are going through may feel personal, and it may even seem unfair to the point that you are asking God. Lord why me? I have been there, and all I can tell you that if you will just stop searching for the why, and starting walking in the yes that you have committed unto God you will become more purposeful in this journey that you are on.

You have to become so focused on god that your spirit cries out “God I love you without restriction.” this confirms to God that no matter what you face or how you are feeling in the natural scheme of things that you will continue this journey in the way that He has commanded you to walk it out.

Here is a little snippet of encouragement for you guys! 

If you are going through the most craziest time in your journey, and you need some support from someone that has faced some difficult challenges in many seasons, and know how to rest in the Arms of the savior without allowing the storm to conquer her fear while praying for a nation of woman to hold on to Jesus. Then connect with me by sending me an email 


Are You Listening To His Sound?

Are You Listening To His Sound?

Recently there has beeen a redirection in my spirit but my mindset has not been latching on to the directions of where God has instructed me to go. I have been lazy in answer the call lately because I want more of what I need instead of what he needs me to do. 

This is so out of order! with how my spirit would normally respond to the instructions of God. I have been so in the dumps lately that the only thing i will not hold back is my praise to God, and even that has been a challenge to enter into. I read my bible daily, and I constantly surround my ears gates with worship music…. So my question to myelf is….. Whatk is lingering in my heart more that I have my focus on more than God?

 

To answer this you have to understand what I am going through, and what I am standing on but what i am not fully walking in is the structure of my obedience to God, and my focused faith in praise that i am no longer living in the moment but i am excited about the praise offered up to God. This is where I need to be on a daily basis in order to fulfill my increase of praise to God on this journey. 

I always find myself trying to perfect all that I am going through by living in a coud of unerved emotions and or in the mall purchasing gadgets to sooth my pains of waiting on the wait of my circumstances to change in all aspects of my life that are not going in my favork in this current moment. but what i have to remember is that God is already moving on my behalf, and while I am going through the ringer of elements to change my mindset to see visually the spiritual insight that God has for me to see I can climb up to the hill, and not be moved from this place.

 

Yesterday while going into a place of worship where freedom rested in the atmosphere God challenged me to praise Him for real where i was not just going through the emotional standards of worship, and this hit a tide in my path that remove a huge mountain out of my way, and I shouted until i was tossed by the wall in the spirit unhurt, and closer to the lesson being taught to me by God.

 

At times i know that i be wildin’ out in my own way runninkg here, and there, and not giving my full attention to the things concerning the heart of God. I feel so consumed with the things that I want to do, and that pleases my life that I get stuck on this self will, and this is not a good thing that is pleasing in the sight of God; so here is where thie things change in my focus to where i need it to shift to.

 

When I hear the sound of God voice it does not matter how i feel I will run to Him, and listen for the sound of His instructions for my life daily. i will not back away when things get to heavy nor when they seem to outweigh what i thought was the right turn. I will be the right way in what God is ordering in my life. 

So I have made up in the center, and all the corners of my heart, mind, body, and soul to get out of hibernation, and carry on with these hand that He has anointed to walk in places, and snatch His people back out of the place where the light will enter into these dark places.

 

Are you listening to the sound of the Holy Ghost? 

What is distracting you, and how can we gear up together to ignite Gods sound in your life today. Let me know below in the comment section…. 

 

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