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A Prayer To End Domestic Violence

A Prayer To End Domestic Violence

Sunday morning at 2:57 A.M i found myself calling the police after being jump on by someone that I was seeing that I thought I was going to be with for the remainder of my life here on earth. What begin as a simple no to him when he asked could i drive him to the store because he was intoxicated already, and I was in the house about to head to sleep This was around 11:00 P.M I was not about to go outside because it was cold,, and I was desitring to get into the word of God.

I never seen this side of a person in my time of being in a relationship just go off the deep end just because someone rense to change there mind from saying yes i’ll take you to the store, and then 10 seconds later calls you, and says never mind i do not feel like coming out of the house.

 

God was preparing me before this happended he cautioned me to get out of the room , and to head to the living room. This is where I normally sleep to take y time out with God, and to just chill to collect my thought, and for the most part the living room is where i structure my day.

For some odd reason he got very upset with me for not taking him to the store. He proceeded to come up stairs, and he begin to talk about how he felt about me changing my mind about taking him to the store. I told him it was not that big of a deal, and he begin to get even more bothered about it. he left, and came back even more intoxicated than he was before, and he started talking, and I started to really see that this is not something that I want to continue in. “The relationship.” 

 

I knew it was the wrong relationship just based on how we came together it was sin, and there was no other way to look at it. I was praying, and seeking God about sign if this was his will or was I just following my heart, and every morning that I would wake up God would lead me to a scripture on adultery.

This really started to bother me, but it seemed like the more, and more i would ask God to get me out out this sin the more my flesh was desiring the sexual deeds of this sin. I was trapped in the flesh, and my spirit was dying because of my disobedience to God.

 

when he came back in the house around 2:30 A.M he was just talking all over the place, and I stop him by stating I do nor want to be with you any more. my why for this is simply it does not align with my life in God. He got mad, and started calling me out of my name, and he started to just look at me differently, and at this point I was not scared because I did not know what he was actually on.

When he heard the words from me of stating i do not want to be with you anymore he got so pissed of at me, and he chuncked a whole 1 gallon full water bottle at me, and luckly it missed me, and he seemed to feel some type of way because it missed me.

He came over to where I was, and he started to tug on me, and he jumped on me, and ladies I was terrified seriously. I got my phone, and begin to dial 911, and he just got even more mad, and if it was not for my mother coming to my rescue when she did more harm to myself could have been done. This shook me to my core, and now I am in complete defense mold.

The police showed up, but of course he ran before they made it to our residence, and the police just simply stated they could not do anything, and just informed me to get a restraining order. The system to protect women, and men that suffer in domestic violence relationships have no help.

What if I was the only one home that night with him? And what it something horrible would have happened to me? I do not want to think about it but it’s time that we do soemthing to stop the silence, and to stop thinking that it is ok for someone to place their hands on us.

 

If you in an abusive relationship please reach out by calling

you can also send e-mails to HopeForTheHealing@gmail.com

 

Let’s pray!

 

Dear Father,

This morning is really a tender moment in the lives of everyone that has been subjected to the hands of domestic violence, and this morning I want to ask that you take the hearts of the one’s that has been a victim both past present, and sad to say even future victims may you show them who this person is before they even get involved with them, and the women that feel like they can’t get out please show them the way out, and provide them with the necessary resources so that can begin again. I pray these things in Jesus name. Amen

Getting Back To The Basics Of Life

Getting Back To The Basics Of Life

I have been really missing out on my self care routines, and some challenges that I have set out for myself, and as you know there is a old time saying ” there’s no time like the present.”  i know that in life there will always be time to set a side to reflect on what needs to be done, and nothing can bring a huge insight of self reflection, and awareness like a good book.

Smart woman always learn from there mistakes, and even smarter women read to promote better self care methods to better structure themselves in life. I stumbled across this book

The Smart Girl’s Guide to Self-Care 

This is a really good guide for women that want to become a better version of herself, and it is also for the woman that does not know where to start in caring for herself, but wants to learn how to be better to herself.

 

After digging into a good book I thought about how my skin really needed another big fix so i was thinking og=f the old products that I was using, and how some worked yet some were really bad for my skin.

I have extremely sensitive skin; so it get really tricky finding products that are well for my skin type. i am glad that I found Organic Cocoa Butter  

Seeking self love is being able to walk away from everything that is hindering you from becoming who God has purposed you to be in Him. so whatever is stopping you from seeking God, and the purpose that He has on your life get ride them. It will hurt to let go of people, and it will even hurt not to be in the same old place that brings you a sense of comfort, but do it anyway.

 

Every woman i know loves a good pair of jeans That compliment her frame, and that shows that she still has it while keeping it classy, and modest all at the same time. There are so many important things that you can learn about yourself, and if you take the time to love yourself daily you’ll learn that nothing changes but time, and seasons, and the way you love yourself should never get placed on the back burner.

There is a level of strength that you will gain when you stop allowing the disappointments get you down in life. It is only when you start to count up the cost, and realize that you are not the same version of yourself that you were the day before, and that with each day that comes, and goes you will set the tone of your day when you pray, and give God the first fruits of your day.

 

When you feed your spirit, and starve your flesh you will gain more insight on how God is moving within you, and when you defeat the lies of the enemy you will find a greater release to fight for what you have in the Kingdom of God. You know you have everything inside of you to get up right where you are right now, and declare that you are going to shift into the woman that God is calling you to be.

If you are wondering what are the steps in doing something that you may be afraid to do well I want to encourage you to drop me an e-mail mendthevow@gmail.com, and I will walk you through the steps that God has given me to close every door, and not to walk back towards them ever again once He closes them permanently.

 

Let’s close out in prayer.

 

Dear Father,

Help us your daughters to stop climbing back into the things in our lives that you have called us apart from, and please as your are guiding us into this next season please allow us not to help you in things that you have total control over. Let us be happier in the choice to stand for you, and to remove ourselves from all that is not like you. I pray these things in Jesus name. Amen.

Wake Up To A new Version Of Yourself Daily

Wake Up To A new Version Of Yourself Daily

Lately I have been evolving into different stages as a woman, and I thought I was already there years ago in some areas in this things called WomanHood, but boy was i so wrong about that. There are different levels of myself that I am just beginning to tap into, and I’m currently 37 years old, and oh yeah gong through the last stages of a divorce.

There are so many things that I am learning to appreciate about this process of letting go of the past, and embracing to newness of celebrating myself as a woman, and at the same time getting to empower women through the highs, and lows in this journey that I am on. I am learning not to place to much pressure on things that I have no control over, and it actually feels ok.

 

I never thought I would discover this stage of WomanHood within my life, and I never knew that it existed until I learned to be more real with myself instead of pacifying myself because i was going through some very hard times in my life. My moto nowadays is i’m living my best life unapologetically as it comes.

In his season i have faced many crazy experiences, challenges, and physical, emotional melt downs,  I had to really defeat depression, lack of self love, and the frustrations of why my marriage did not stand the test of time in forming in the stages of being reconciled. But hey I have learned that life for me is not over, and God still has a huge plan for my life.

 

 

Let’s Pray!

Dear Gracious Father,

This morning I wold like to take time to say thank you for the impact that you place daily on my heart, and on the heart of your daughter. May the things that challenge us as women daily be lessons learned, and passed down to our next generation of women that will lead in love, and in truth. I pray that the hard times make us courages in You, and that the cries of our hearts pierce the throne room of heaven. I pray these things in Jesus mane. Amen.

 

God, it’s Me again Knocking On Heavens Door

God, it’s Me again Knocking On Heavens Door

The last few days I have been tip toeing on the door of leading me back to the encounter I miss with God, and I know this might sound way out there, But I feel hopeless when I am not connected to Him. i fee l like i am drifting along rhe shore without a safety net to catch me if i fall.

 

My tolerance for the things that i use to tolerate has become a zero chance of me accepting anything from anyone that is not in alignment of what I need for my life. There is no longing for my heart than needed God right now, but no making the least bit of effort to knock down the doors of heaven in prayer to attract His attention.

 

However there has been some major disattraction in my life as to why i have not been gaining ground in getting back to my prayer life. What I have come to know is that pride is a major factor, and the second is my current life circumstances. I am facing many things that are displaying i need you. And before the alarms goes off i find myself here again purposely pouring out, and eleminating any excuses as to why I’m not feeding my promise of the day.

i’ve been in this place of self hinderance, and this place of incompleteness. I do not know how to get out of this stage in my life, and i know I cannot tackle it by myself. I always knew that with God i am going to fail, at everything I place my hands on. This is why it is so important for me to climb out of this pit hole that I am currently in.

 

Today I am challenging myself, and you to rise above fear, and to refuse to live in your feelings. Things happen, and times heals from the lessons that we learn in life as women.

Let’s Pray!

Dear God,

Help me in my unbelief to exchange this heart of dishonor for a heart of courageous courage to move forward in the Kingdom. I know that there has been a lot of things done on my end that you are not pleased with, and I ask that you deeply consider forgiving my faults. I also ask that you do the same for every woman that encounters this prayer. Give us ears to hear, eyes to see in you. I pray these things in Jesus name. Amen.

What Happened To Her? Series ( After The Pain)

What Happened To Her? Series ( After The Pain)

It is no secrets that i have been hiding in the shadows of my pain. From the watch tower of my soul yerns to be back in a place of worship, but my faith is at a standstills, and it is reducing each day to next to nothing. ~ Jereè Fouder of MendTheVow.com

There is so much to be said about a woman that is facing Divorce while still hiding from the emotional pain of her toxic marriage. The only comfort I find these days is living out of purpose because I do not have to feel inspired, faith driven, and or obedient to seek the call on my life.

 

This is real life for me right now, and the more time I spend  doing nothing the more I hunger for my purpose without making any attempts on most days to get back into the fight for my spiritual life.

Key points I have thought about

  1. What if I told the whole truth & it back fires while leading women further into sin?
  2. What if I stayed absolutely silent while women suffered due to my disobedience?
  3. What if I shared my heart & no one got healed?
  4. What if doing this thing called ministry could saved myself?

 

These things cross my mind from time to time, and it bothers me deeply to no end to know that I may be fulfilling my incomplete purpose if I do or say nothing. I am faced with being rejected, and or going back to fully surrendering my will to God’s will and just merely chunking the deuces to everything, and everyone while just being real, and unapologetically me.

 

So here’s what happened to me while stuck in a 7 year marriage that produce the woman that I am today, and in this moment….

I sought to redeem a broken will in my marriage, and the outcome in my mind would lead to a reconciled marriage. I begin in 2017 to pray it out, and to fast it out while I was still married to my soon to be ex- husband. We were still under the same roof, but he was never really home, and I begin to feel it. I would call, and get no answer. I would wait up like a Crackhead     in our living room by the window waiting for any hope that he would come home that night.

I would literally not each for days just to make sure I looked my best for him, and I would make sure that I would dress extra cute for him so that he would compliment me just so that i mentally could say we spoke. The sad truth is when I exchange alcohol, and weed for salvation back in 2016 he started to trip on me in a major way statng that he was loosing his best friend due to the fact that I did not indulge in those things anymore. I was his late night rider, his chill partner, his lean on me when the world got to heavy on his shoulder kind of girl.

 

The level of disrespect that followed after finding my way back to God was crazy.

I never imagine that the person that I vowed to spend the rest of my life with would display such a level of betrayal. and discomfort that I have gone through I never seen it coming from my ex-husband. You really never know what someone is capable of until you see the real ugly side of them when things are falling apart in your marriage. I never assumed to know him completely, but i knew him well enough to know that a dark side lived within him, and I knew that if I did anything to awaken it I would Know that forces of his demons.

The adjustments after it all.

I decided to move out of the place we once lived in as husband, and wife. I decided to pack up all of my belongings, and throw away everything else that I had no use for. I then packed my car up, and headed to another city far away to clear my thoughts, and to purge him out of my system. I want to erase the pain, the lies, and the unmasked torture that I felt when I was in his presence.

 

What Happened to me in that season?

i lived in my car for over 2 months, and I joineda 24 hours fitness to shower daily, and I ate fast food twice a day, and I still attended church, and I still fasted, and prayed to get clarity on this new journey that I was currently on. I never thought I would end up in this place, but it was one of the most peaceful times in my life, and even after experiencing so much in that marriage I experienced so much in getting free from it all.

After things were fgetting more clear I was seeking God on what to do next, and the next thing i knew my car broke down, and I was stuck in the parking lot of the 24 hour fitness for more than 7 days with my car shut down. I was so convinced that this was the work of the enemy, but after examining things in prayer, and in my own lane of things I came to the conclusion that my help was coming to an end in this season of grief.

The Moment of exhaustion 

I became very tired, and i wanted to just get away from where i was, and I begin to really cry out to God pleading with Him on what was going to become the next thing on the list to do in this journey, and I clearly remember Him whispering in my ear” go toyour mother’s house.” This was out, because I did not want to go to my mothers house because that was the last place that I wanted to rest my head. i told God that I was not going to go to my mothers house… And guess what things got worst, and I got on the phone and called my mother, and she confirmed what God told me without me even saying anything about it to her. I eneded up selling my car for $230 and mind you I just paid $1100 for my car back in March of 2019, and It ended up going belly up in April 2019.

 

The moment I knew it was time to file for divorce. 

I was at my mothers house for about 2 weeks, and I was in somesort of contact with my ex-husband, and our vibes were all the way off, and i wanted to just be done with it all. so on May 29, 2019 i officially file the paper work to start my divorce, and to begin my freedom as a woman.

In this video clip I express how I felt on the day I chose to file for my divorce. 

 

Going through this process has not been easy it has been filled with various emtional strains that I never ever want to encounter ever again. I fel weak in my spirit, and as a woman I feel like I should, and will make better decisons when it comes to love, life, and marriage in the future,

The Stagnant Place

The Stagnant Place

Sometimes I wonder to myself will I ever get out of this drought that I am in. I felt like this for a long while, and I stopped trying to exscape the thought of whether purpose is for me or not. I cannot even get a prayer out of my mouth, and it has been like 2 months since I really talked to God.

I was really hoping that this sesson would end on me releasing whatever I picked up along the way, but to my surprise I am still stuck in this same dead spiritual position, and I do not see myself coming out anytime soon. I really am not understand why God’s grace is sufficient even after all the things that i have done that I said I’d never to while being still married on paper to someone that I use to love, and be in love with.

 

Here’s where I am…. 

  • I am in a whole relationship with someone whom I absolutely adore, and he adores me.
  • I am in no way ending it, because I am safe in where my heart is with him,
  • I am allowing this to slowly form without rushing into anything without it being on both ends.
  • I am mad at myself because my prayer life is not in any way where it usually is.
  • I am releasing the most transparent parts of myself, because I do not want to stay in this state.
  • I am challenging myself to get back up, and get back focused on my potential, and my purpose.
  • i am however a little bit depressed, because I am currently an unbalanced woman.
  • I am seeking to heal my heart, and while doing that the hearts of other women.

Then There’s the other side of me!

Sometimes i wish I could turn back the hadns of time, and just slap myself for being so weak minded as a wife, and as a woman. The first time that he cheated, and the first time that we separated I should have learned from his actions, and I should have filed for divorce.

The mind of a woman….

As a Woman, and friend I always find myself giving the most profound advice, but when it comes to giving, and following advice for my own life I often tend to back track, and try to see the hope in a hopeless situation. Does this makes me a bad person for trying to see the good in someone?

 

I guess this is life for me right now.

There are some chapters in my life that are unfolding right now that I am adjusting to, and there are a lot of chapters in my life that have ended, and I do not want to ever read again. I am learning to try to take each day as they come, and to cherish the people in my life that loves me for me.

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