Caught Out There

Caught Out There

The one thing that is hard to admit is that I am on the other side of infidelity. The one thing I applauded myself on not doing, and I deceived myself; because I thought I had proofed my body to resist anyone other than my husband.

This was not in my plan to allow my lips to be kissed passionately by a guy that was not you. I was in ruins in my mind all because I allowed my emotions to counter react to what I was attracted to in this fleshly body. I almost ruined everything that I was standing for in my marriage by releasing my inward desires on the outer parts of my skin. His touch was everything i was missing in my life, and with one kiss I was hooked  on him to the point where I was doing anything to see him. skipping time out with God, ignoring the important people in my life.

Nothing at this point in my life was so focused on my mind other that spending time with this guy. he was dropping nuggets of hope in my ear, and as my ears yearned for more of what he was saying i was distancing myself from setting my faith, and hope in reconciling back with mu husband.

 

This guy had me so open that no one could get my attention. He smile, his embrace, and his charm really had me at a loss for words. he was arranging words like you’re my soulmate, and you’re my wife. Basically everything that challenges what God said concerning my marriage was taking a turn in a negative way.

 

There had been times where I did not feel like myself when I was with him, and I knew what we were doing was not right, but I did not care; because I missed being touched, held, and most of all the center of attention in someone’s eyes.

 

I thought to myself this was for sure  the guy for me, and as he was telling me that I should proceed with a divorce so that he and I could work on our future together. He told me all the things that God told me that I was going to have with my husband. I did not see what was happening to me in the beginning because I was so broken to the point that I did not care who I ended up with I just wanted to be wanted.

 

Here are some factors that I did realized in the middle, and at  end the  of breaking it off with this guy!

  1. After I got my head out of the clouds just to ask my pastor at the time  to simply say a strong prayer for me that night, and the following day my former pastor instructed me that the distraction was sent to spiritually kill me, and this is without me ever telling him that I  was involved with anyone.

  2. After finding out this information of this prophetic word from my former pastor do you know I still was in connection with this guy. I t was something that I was lacking in my own personal life, and at the moment it was very hard for me to give up,
  3. Every time I would get around this guy it was like I turned into someone else, and I could not fight against what we were doing. The intimacy we shared never lead to sex, but baby it almost did, and as bad as I wanted to I know about what those soul ties come with.

  4. The one thing that really frighten me about this guy is every time we were so close to becoming intimate he would get overly aggressive. This was something that shook me because I was rapped at a young age, and when things remind me of something trying to force themselves on me the first thing I immediately to is freeze up, and get ghost.
  5. I blocked him for a full month , and a half from March – Early May of 2019, and I thought to myself it is finally over. I finally thought I would be able to breathe without being bothered with this person that was so wrong for me, but yet felt so right for me when I was with him.

He called my phone May 2, 2019 from a number that was not stored in my phone. I answered he spoke, and I did not recognize his voice at first, and he spoke again, and my whole world shook. Here I was free of all this whirlwind amazing false filled love, and here comes Mr. not the one chasing my phone number down. I asked him how he got my number trying to remain strong, and at the same time wondering why it took him so long to reach out to me.

he informed me that he lost the phone that he had owned prior to having my phone, and that he went back to a recent place I once visited to get my phone number from a mutual person that we both known. I was really impressed, but at the same time I told myself I could not get wrapped up in him again, because on May 2nd, 2019 was the first time in a long time that I was ready, and willing to rise up again in faith to fight for my marriage.

we spent hours on the phone catching up on life, fantasy sex, and making it happen in the weeks to come. I was unmoved in the process that I had made. He was back in my world, and back in my reach, and nothing was going to stop him from caressing his joint in my mix. I was at this point playing rush, and  roulette with my marriage, and I was more that willing to barging with those divorce papers.

So with him back on the play list I hit my husband up in a text, and told him I was ready to give him his last name back because I met someone, and I was finally ready to move one with my life.

 

 

After that text was sent i felt like there was nothing else to be said so I got back in my Ryan mold, and starting to talk to him back to back day, and night. He took my breathe away literally until God begin to show me the extent of who was hiding behind the man I desired so much.

One night we were on the phone, and I heard something in his laugh that made me do a double check in the spirit. He laughed but he sounded so demonic, and so not like his normal sexy laugh that i was use to hearing from him. this laugh made me rethink the harm i was willfully placing myself in.

The final night that i talked to him was the night that i made up in my mind that I was going to have to really release myself from even ever thinking of being with him again. This started a chain reaction of a series of events that I will never forget. When Ryan called not picking up the phone was not the greatest challenge for me it was not resisting the voice of God to calm my spirit, and to allow Him to wash me in Him again, and to renew my mind, and as well as my heart.