Commissioned To Love You! Part 1
Deep down in my heart was the woman that was waiting to be linked to your heart, but before she could ever surface there had to be an intentional date with God with the likeness of the old me. I was sick from countless painful moments of past hurts, and lets downs from many people of whom I thought I could trust. There were moments where I wanted to change, but I didn’t know how, and with each tiny step of my own I’ve always fumbled the ball, and you ended up paying the price with my insecurities, doubts, and shame of my own life.
Often times when someone is left with undelivered pain, and emotions they always end up hurting others. You know that saying hurt people hurt other people. Well in the first four years, and eleven months of my marriage I was a disrespectful, somewhat loving, mouthy, attutiude having, whatever talking sort of wife.
My past ended my marriage, and for that, I’ll always be thankful to God. Why? Because my husband left me, and God healed my broken past. While my husband was gone, left hurt, and just through with me, and our marriage I was alone utterly alone, and it wasn’t any one to blame, but myself. How could the conditions of my heart harm the man that God sent to me? This was the question that lingered in my mind, and I was so regretful of allowing my past hurt to tear apart what God placed together. I cried day in, and day out hoping for a sign from God that he would fix it. Through more crying, and regret of what hurt my brought into my marriage, and mostly to my husband God starting speaking, and He allowed me to feel the hurt that my husband felt I cried even harder. I was so shocked
This was the question that lingered in my mind, and I was so regretful of allowing my past hurt to tear apart what God placed together. I cried day in, and day out hoping for a sign from God that he would fix it. Through more crying, and regret of what hurt my brought into my marriage, and mostly to my husband God starting speaking, and He allowed me to feel the hurt that my husband felt I cried even harder. I was so shocked
Through more crying, and regret of what hurt my brought into my marriage, and mostly to my husband God starting speaking, and He allowed me to feel the hurt that my husband felt I cried even harder. I was so shocked at what I’ve done, and I was so embarrassed, and not knowing who or what I was doing in harming, and not loving my husband.
God came to me, a few weeks before my husband walked out, and showed me myself in an opened vision I was in this old warehouse locked in this clear glass box, and the old me was beating on the glass box trying to do all she could to shattered the glass to escape; but as she was in a rage the new me emerged, and laught as I walked away with the key to my past. Angel flew to me, and as I released the key to my past to the angel God’s voice spoke to me so clearly, and said I’m giving you a new life.
Now in the coming weeks after this vision, I experienced my husband leaving me, and me spending days purging out my sorrows in my tears, and I had no idea this was the making of the new me. I got intentional on what God was speaking into my life, and I begin to desire the change in which He spoke about my life. I started to call upon the name of God like I’ve never done before in my life, and I simply wholeheartedly asked Him to forgive me of the wrong that I’ve done to my husband in hurting him, and being a displeasing wife to him.
After all of the repenting, and the alone time that I spent with God confessing my wrongs, and wanting desperately to have my marriage healed, and my husband home I knew that it was time to get down to some serious business in my prayer time alone, and as well as getting other people to journey with me in my fight to intercede concerning the heart of my husband.
As I begin fasting, and interceeding for my for change in my life, and for restoration in my marriage everything that could go wrong happened. I ended up moving out of my home, and moving in with my mom, and my husband ended up going his way. The real fight is standing , and believing in God’s promises to come forth.
I’ve been in the battle of my life, and let me tell you God has been with me every step of the way. Once I stepped back into my rightful place in God the enemy just has been trying to tear me down, but guess what? No weapon formed against me shall prosper, and every tongue that rises against me shall be condemed.
I’m standing in my faith, and I worshiping God, and having great hope in my marriage that it will be restored, because God promised me that He will it.
I stand on the following scripture which is;
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidance of things not seen.
I want to be very transparent than normal, and say to any woman that is facing tough times in marriage that you need to fight like hell for your marriage. I don’t care what it looks like, and or what he’s doing if God told you that He’s going to restore your marriage that you get in your prayer closet, and begin to war in the spirit, and if you dont know how ask God to teach you how to do so.
I am commissioned to love my husband, and I am fighting for my marriage like never before; because the enemy thinks he won, but not so. I promise to pray you us through this, and to stand firmly on the word of God on our behalf. I vow to seek God with my whole heart concerning what to do on our behalf. I promise once God brings restoration back to its rightful place in our marriage that I will never attack you with my words. I will never belittle you with my insecurities of my past. I vow to respect you as my husband, and to always take care of your heart. Besides God being first, and formost in my life nothing besides God will come before you.
God placed us together, and he had to shake up some things in the both of us so that we can know that it’s not us take it mending the pieces of our marriage back together, but it’s Him that is forming our marriage back together, and that He will get all of the glory out of this, and that it will be a testimony that will lead other marriages back to the heart of God.
i promise to listen in the midnight hour when you want to express what’s on your heart, and I promises to always listen to your dreams, and to help you build your trust back in me step by step, and one day at a time.
Ladies this is one of the toughest battles that I have ever faced in my entire life being away from my husband is heart breaking, and at times I find myself breaking down because I can’t reach out, and hug him, or simply see him in the morning as I open up my eyes. I miss his laughter, our talks, watching television with him, and just running errands with him. I never saw this storm coming, and I never thought that this would be my marriage that would face a crisis like this on; but I count it all joy any how because i know that God holds the finals say, and this is what gives me peace of mind in this storm that I am facing in my life right now.
As we know in the bible it says this about the unsaved husband…..
1 Corinthians 7:14King James Version (KJV)
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean, but now are they holy.