One of the most tragic things that can happen in our lives is thinking that we are right about how we want to live our lives, and be fueled by the deception that the enemy presents us with on a consistent basis.
Well if you have ever fell into the greatest deception of your life, and current you do not know how to get out I pray that my trail, and tribulation in this #Un-mended truth will shed light on being blinded, and deceived by the hands of the enemy.
[bctt tweet=”Being damaged by being sexual abuse lead me into a bed that i should have never crawled into. Being intimate with another female was the worst decision that my flesh had ever desired, and made. ” username=”@mendthevow”]
I have been through a lot in my life, and there were a lot of things that displaced my thought concerning who I wanted, and who I was supposed to be. read my full story Click here
The year was “2001”. back then I was living in Las Vegas were at that time I was young, popin’, and living on my own at the age of 19 yrs old.
The longing for growing as a young woman was the only thing that fueled me to do something with myself, and if anyone knew anything about me I did everything B.I.G! Bold, irresponsible, and Greedy. Yup that was me way back when, and I did not care about how people perceived me because I was the girl that had it all while everyone was happy to grace my presence I was just a lot girl searching to belong.
I was always so trusting, and so naive to a lot of things, and no matter how street smart I thought I was something, and or someone was always pulling the wool over my eyes.
The moment I met him he was trouble, and I did not care while everyone including two of my older brother were warning me to stay away from him, my flesh could not resist “Rudolph” The key to my first encounter.
I can remember it like it all happened like yesterday. and I regret the day I ever spoke a word from my mouth to his ears because he left a scar on my heart, and bruises on my skin that would cause me to hide this pain deeply down in the back of my mind for 18 years.
The darkest moments of my life were barried deep in the Las vegas in a bed that I did not sleep in but found at that time what I thought was the greatest desire of my life.
On a Wednesday morning I headed to a job interview, and as I was appoaching the next move to take in my life out there in “Vegas” There he was, and here the bus came, and as I boarded the bus our eyes locked. From that moment everything changed, and my life the way I thought it should go wnet right down the drained after I exchanged digits with him.
A few days after my interview he called, and I was unbothered yet excited that he remembered me in his thoughts. Why? because I wanted him, but I did not need him for anything, and the latch to my heart had already been undone, and corrupted with sexual immorality that I did not care about him abusing my body, and or just wanting sex from me.
On the third day of talking, and becoming a little familiar with him he asked could we chill, and I jumped at the chance to say yes without even considering his motives. i was eager to be around him, and anything like my “brothers” trying to stop that would have no authority to do so. How I would regret not listening to sound wisdom from them.
[bctt tweet=”The error that I was walking in was reeling all in my spirit, and guess what Idid not care but every time the act was committed my spirit felt so low. ” username=”@mendthevow”]
The first time he came to my apartment he was controlling, and I thought I like a man that takes charge. I did not know why I was feeling like this when I never allowed anyone to control me. I always set the tone in whomevr I choose to deal with but he was certainly different.
He mentioned that he did not like the company I kept, nd this was on the first night. “Clearly a red flag that I was blind to”.
Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into the most hurtful, hateful, and harmful times of my life. He wrecked every possibility of trust, and every thought of freedom. There was no rush in getting to know him at first on his end, and as he showed up to my apartment on a daily basis he managed to run everyone that cared about me off.
the process or fact of isolating or being isolated.
“the isolation of older people”
This was one of his methods to get me cornered to get me all to himself to gain full access to my mind, my body, and my time.
After he started unfolding his plans for me i stll unknowingly decided to stay around because he had grown on me, and I thought i now needed him instead of just wanting him.
The abuse begin to seep in. First it was an agrument which begin over little things, and he would tear me down with his word. He would be angry about the smallest things, and would blame me for everything that he did that wnet wrong while we were together.
The day that he got me evicted from my apartment, and disturbed my peace of mind on a level that i never thoguht was possible was the moment he enslaved me, and locked me away, and was breaking me down to the lowest point of my life while salpping me across the face, and violating me after an arguemt. He would then apologize, and stating I made him upset so this is why he had to teach me a lesson.
I adapted the more he broke me down because my self worth crumbled, and let’s not mention self esteem there was not any left. he was grooming me to his game of streets, and when he fianlly revealed his ultimate plans for me I literally collapsed in my spirit. Why? and there was no none to help me because he ran everyone away.
He kneeled a whispered in my ear that I was his, and anything he wanted to do with me was his choice my eyes got so wide when he mentioned the other things in my ear which horrified me to the core of my soul. “He wanted me to prositute for him, and this was the moment I told him to kill me because there was no way in hell that I would ever do that williingly or forcefully.
- a person, in particular a woman, who engages in sexual activity for payment.
synonyms: call girl, whore; More
He locked me away to break me even more, and somehow I did not break, and as the days went on he was running out of patience, and out of money was he decided that he would allow me to go back to my job, and as he handed me my identification He kept my social security card for insurance that I would habe to come back to him after work.
- As I exchange words of I will be back after work I knew this was the only chance I has to save my life, and to ruin his plans for me. i called a co worker that I met on the job, and I told her some of what was going on, and she was in disbelief because she was like I never thought he was like that “In the beginning of knowing Rudolph he end up working at the same job but left because he loved getting money the fast way.
She just looed a me with pity, and was like girl I had no idea you were going through tis with him. She came up with a plan of action, and caled the authorities, and we were told to wait at a safe location near by until they arrived at Rudolphs residents.
As hours past, and as I grew worried about what woud happened the police came, and we met at a local gas station directly across where the nightmare took place, and they told me to call him, and as I proceeded to do so he answered calling me a dirty b word for calling the police. I thought to myself “How did he know?’. Well he drove up to the gas station while I was calling him, and when I tell you he acted as thought he had a gun, and the whole peace scene almost turned deadly the police reach for their guns, and he was trying to take everybody out with him.
After telling the police of the things that he did, and the fact that he kept me against my will they mentioned that it was my word against his, and made him turn my possessions, and some how the one thing he could find was my social security card I was very scared at this point that he would be able to track me, and find me and do more harm if not kill me for escaping on him.
Well after this storm subsided more things happened like absorbing fresh air, and engaging in sexual sin with the woman who helped me escape the hell that I was in. I ended up having at that time in my life no where to go, and as she lend her ear, and her shoulder to cry on she also opened her bed to me.
I did not perceive that she was even into women I was reeling from all that happen that I walked right into another hell, and the first encounter with her sexually was a disadvantage of needed to be comforted, and the distraction that it brought kept my mind off of the things i did not want to give my attention to.
She knew exactly the angle to play, and i fell for it everytime. She would talk to me, and comfort me, and we would end up in the act being intimate over, and over again, and by the time it was done I grew further into darkness, and by no means did she ever force my decision to interact with her sexually I knew exactly what I was doing by making the conscious decision to step into her bedroom.
After being connected to her for some time she wanted more emotionally than i was willing to give, and she knew all that I had been through with that last situation, and at this point I was just having fun. She turned into someone else when I stop sleeping with her we got into so bad one night that she grabbed a knif, and tried to stab me. how! right?
Well the night that she exposed her crazy side i ended up returning to where i did not want to be my stomping ground California, and from 2001 – 2011 I had various sexual encounters with different woman, and I was drowing in the pit of hells gates. I could not stop engaging into the sexual deeds with women.
One day I made up in my mind that I was not going to ever be with a man again because they hurt the core of my heart, and being with a woman did not bring the same hurt that a man providing me in my past.
I was stuck on this choice, and i was committed to my decision, while i was making these plans for myself, God was executing a different plan for my life that i at that time was not aware of. in 2011 i tried my hardest to hook up with women, and everytime i would get ready to meet up with them something would go wrong, and I would get fedup up, and try again, and again, and each time I know now God was blocking the enemy from leading me down the wrong path.
I had no idea that God cared so much about how I lived my life, and I did not know that He was going to position me to heal from being by sexual, and from being a serial womanizer thank God for heal, and for pursuing His daughter.
i went through a lot of purging spiritually, and I had to learn through God how to break the soul ties thatt were connected to me through the sexual desires, and encounters that I experienced with these multiple women.
I thank God that I am free, and that I am no longer living a lust filled life, and i want you to know that there is freedom in finding sexual purity in God. I had to really go through the straggly struggle of not desiring, or craving to be with another woman, and it hurt like hell to get over the desire. my body ached for it, and every time I thought about going back to it God held my hand even when I did not ask Hm to.
If you are desiring to break free from the bondage of same sex relationships you can reach out several different was by e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org send your question by Click here Last but not least you can message us on Facebook by Clicking Here
Hello! My name is Jereè and I began this BLOG to share my journey as a Woman unapologetically as I start the process of mending the pieces of my broken life with God’s help by sharing my life #UnMended while Baring the deepest parts of myself has been very hard, but is so worth it in the end to see the woman I’ll become. So Cheers to healing, and to celebrating my freedon as a woman, in love, in life, and in faith. May you also grow from what I’ve grown from. Xo Jereè