Disconnecting For My Biological Sisters (My Sisterhood Story)
This is really a long-overdue topic that I had on my heart forever even before Mend The Vow was a thing in the making. I use to always feel like I had nothing in common with any of my sisters’ except for my eldest sister only because she semi raised me from birth until 12 years old.
Growing up I use to idolize my eldest sis, and I wanted to grow up and be like her just because she seemed kind and compassionate towards me. I never went without love when she was around, and I always knew that this sister bond would continue or so I thought. There were somethings that I never knew about my sister, and i never thought that I’d here what I heart from her the other night.
Her words echoed out into the room , and I could not believe the statement she made to be. She said that why you were molested, and he called me Out of my name. The name calling did not bother me because I know who I am, and I do not answer to anything outside of my name. But the nasty way her words rushed intp the entrance of my ear was enough for me to just explode but God told me not to say a word.
Immediately I knew that the disconnect was going to me a forever thing because we have been at odds for some time but never like this. Let me rewind to 2018 i wanted to visit my sister so badly when I lived in California a few years back, and i really was feeling someting within my spirit on not being lead to go to her house but I ignored it, and hopped in my car, and jump on the freeway. It had been nearly 2 whole years since i’d seen her, and I just felt like it was time to bond with my sister.
I remember being at her house chilling soaking up some much sissy time, and the first few days were nice we ate went to the beach, and ran some errands together. I mentioned that we should begin prayng together on somethings because she was talking to me about somethings that were goin on in her personal life, and the only I felt that was left to do was pray. Everything was going well I felt between us until one night she decided to test my faith based on her on merits of beliefs, and i was not having it because one thing i never have to defend is God, and why I serve Hm.
She posed a question to me asking me if i believe that God is a good god, and of course i said yes, and then she just goes in on the conversation , and me in regard of how she feels that God does not give people free wheel, and that if we do not serve Him that we only face death, and that not Cool.
Well I explain to her that God never forces Himself on anyone, and if one chooses to live apart from God then that it them making a choice of their own free will, and with this comes the consequences of sin, and living without God, and having Him judge your deeds on judgement day. She exploded in how she communicated, and I was just looking at her with a look that I cant even describe.
I was fedup with going out of my way feeling like nothing was being done on her part to feed this relationship between sisters. i was trying to place my best foot forward, and I was just done, and I dedicated to just move entirely different when it came to her because i felt like she always tied to force her views and unwanted opinions of how she felt towards God upon me, and i was not going to for.
I am remind of everything that i’d been holding back from feeling, and desiring to say to her. I can admit that I have not always been the best little sister, and in the past I did, and said somethings that were not so long, and I made up for these things by changing my action but the thing i will never accept from someone is bleeding on me, and throwing shame towards me by something i had no control over that was done to me.
I decided to cute her out of my life in 2020 because things became to disrespectful on her end, and she keot desiring to just say, and do nasty things because she was going through some personal things in her life. Now I understand thatm ost people go through thngs , and sometimes they lash out but not like this, and i just found peace in letting go of the relationship because it is not worth sustaining it at this point.
In the last thoughts on my mind of everything has happened in this horrible situation i’d have to say that i will choose to forgive her because i do not desire to hold any grudes agaist anyone, and i will choose not to reconnect because this is just too much for me to handle. i will not say never because i do not know the plans of God for the repairing of this familyk tie.