The Current & The Past
The Current & The Past
Life for me has been crazy all of this week I have held myself accountable, andk it is really helping me to restructure my life on a daily basis without plunging in the deep pool of giving up on myself, and my goals.
Let’s rewind a little. So as you all know I am going through a divorce while in a serious relationship with the man that has shown up for me more times than I can count on my hands, knees, and toes. I’m openly sharing this because I decided that in this season of my transparency journey that I refuse to cut any corners of truth. for more insight on this please click here
My journey is finally making more sense to me on a more personal level, and i know that there are moves in my life that I have made that i kow that are not pleasing to God, and I am doing everything in my power to shift my life in a more positive direction than what it is currently.
I know that Lot of people will not agree with my lifestyle or the decisions that I have made, but guess what? They are not walking in my shoes, and furthermore I would not wish this on anyone. The betrayal that I have experienced in my former marriage has really deaded a lot of hope and healing in my pathway.
I am building my muscle, and my strength to press forward against anything that tries to stop me in winning in my purpose in God. I know what I am going through wil not break me, and I know that the bed that I have made foe myself is teaching me, and birthing out something that is going to help better me as a women both mentally, and spiritually.
The important facts about this messiness that I am in are that my will does not matter anymore to me, and my daily declaration to God is to take anything that is not meant for my life out of my life no matter how much it might hurt or how much I do not want Him to remove it. The threshing floor is waiting, and I can not afford to miss my chance to get there and lean into the presence of God once again.
I have met a lot of women that needs my story, and I have also shed a lot of my old ways to push past the things that cripple me in moving forward in what i have been placed in this world to do, and this is to heal a nation one heart at a time. People will always try to influence you by what they think you need to hear in the moments of your weakness, but what I have learned is that only the pure truth nasty, and all will set you freeer thank yo ever thought you could be in this world.
I’m smiling more, and I am rediscovering what I love, and what does not serve my life anymore. I had to let go of some people that meant me no earthly good, and it broke me in a lot of ways because I thought these people were life long seeds of happiness that would always be there in my life. The thing is you never really know someone until things get way too uncomfortable in your life.
After being out of work for at least six months I finally got back into the flow of things, and now I am currently back working in the health care field, and I thank God for being faithful to me even when I am not always faithful to my relationship to Him. He is always the source of my strength.
Rewinding to February of this year: I was really feeling some type of way about remaining in the home where I shared with my former husband, and I was living there all by myself with constant reminders of what used to be, between him, and I: so I decided to release myself from the place him, and I once shared together. I made up my mind to leave so I placed a plan in action-packed up what was important to me (i.e. clothes paperwork etc) and I left.
From March – May 0f 2019 I slept in my car, and on and off of someone’s couch. I did this to remove myself from the toxic place that I was living in, and it was hell at first. I found out a lot about myself, and what I have found was I was not as stong as I appeared to be. This scared me, and motivated me to do better with myself.
I was still attending church faithfully, and I was still working here, and they’re doing personal grocery shopping for residential customers just to keep gas in my car, and food in my stomach. When I would sleep in my car I would stay up most of the nights, and cry, and pray until I fell asleep. I really got tired after my car gave out, and I got stuck in a 24-hour fitness parking lot.
At the end of this tribulation I really got fed up, and I called my mother, and swallowed my pride, and asked if I could stay with her until I got on my feet, and of course she said yes, and that turned out to be one of the worst decisions that I have made because my mom, and i are not on the best of terms, but that is another topic for another day.
I am currently just focusing on clarity, self-love, my health, and most importantly realigning myself back into the word of God, and moving forward in my relationship with God. There is hope after divorce, and there is healing after I have faced so many storms in my life.