For days now i have been feeling really low in my spirit, and I have really sunk into this uncomfortable pit. Why? Because i miss my husband badly, and this seperation period is ripping me apart, I cry over it, I fast during it, and i pray to fight while standing in the middle of opposition.
The days seem longer than ever before but the nights seem to roll by as I sleep wake up and scroll through my phone to avoid falling asleep again. In my body I feel emotionally drained, and I finally get the courage to text my husband to let him know that I have been thinking of him as of late, and moments later no text, hours fade by still no response from him.
My strength begin to fail me while I wait, and the sadness deepens within y heart, but God is a keeper of His promise, and His love for me. every moment that I would feel like breaking down again God sends me me a direct scripture to renew my strength in Him, and for the fight to stand for my husband no matter what this storm is showing me in the natural.
It get tough when the night fall comes to know that I can not reach out for him, and it gets the toughtest when i have to take out the trash, because my husband would always do that chore around the house. This is the reality of things in my household for now, but it is not the end of what god is doing in my marriage.
5:30 A.M this morning my alarms goes off, and the first thing I hear God speak to my heart is blog! this is the face ? I have concerning that. I thought with all of the emotions I am feeling how come you desire for me to spill my emotions of a blank canvas, and here i am stank breathe crud still in my eyes, but God. I am realizing the measure of my obedience pleases god more than my whining does.
Can I be real, and very transparent?
Being without my husband is like really not at all what I expected it to be. I thought I was going to show him a thing or two by trying to live without him while clinging on to God for my strength well it has been more like me dragging my faith to the alter to be renewed but only in this area. My mind set really had to change, and I really had to challenge myself not to be the weakes link in all of this…
Here’s the breakdown.
I was doing everything but sinning to make sure that My husband was taking care of. Read more here!
I know that i had to level up in my strength not to give into the things that would keep pacifying my husbands needs this is where God stepped in a few weeks ago, and got on me so badly. i was wrecked in my spirit, and I felt so bad by allowing myself to be in the way of God. Have you ever been there?
Getting me together in this dicomfort to a place of just rendering my yes to god even at times where I do not want to say yes to Him. ??♀️ There is something about enduring in the wilderness that really makes looking at other peoples lives while at the same time wanting to weep becaause you know they need more deliverance, and you are going through without your spouse. Yes I’m going there but not living in comparision but in the norm of thoughts. Have you ever been there?
Here’s where the meausre of truth comes in, and I begin to think about why I am feeling so stuck, and so isolated when this is not how I felt a few days ago. I miss the cruddles, the kisses, the intimacy, and I want it back but not before the work is done I have to admit that because intimacy is the desire of my flesh, and I do not want somethng undone. Cab you relate?
Here’s some encouraging news God is not going to place anything on me that I can not bear, and as of this morning I am shaking off the dust to whom ever set a trap before me, because I am going to come out of this discomfort, and abide in the comfort of my Rapha because in Him are all things made new.
Hello! My name is Jereè and I began this BLOG to share my journey as a Woman unapologetically as I start the process of mending the pieces of my broken life with God’s help by sharing my life #UnMended while Baring the deepest parts of myself has been very hard, but is so worth it in the end to see the woman I’ll become. So Cheers to healing, and to celebrating my freedon as a woman, in love, in life, and in faith. May you also grow from what I’ve grown from. Xo Jereè