I never wanted to share this, but I am guilty of using sex as a weapon towards my husband. It’s not the norm of what women use it for, but rather I used it in not using it. I would allow myself to be sexually free with my husband because I want the power of dishing it out when I want him to have it. I had total control of this, and I didn’t allow myself for years to tell him why I was placing him in the space of loneliness.
When I was younger I had been sexually abused by numerous people throughout my childhood, and at the age of 11 I was rapped by a family friend; so as I got older I learned to distance myself away from men that I was involved with. I would shield myself with opting out of having sex with them as they desire to. I only felt safe in having sexual relations when I wanted to, because I felt safer when I initiated it.
As time went on in my adult life I still had those behavior patterns, and no one that I was involved with sexually ever questioned me about it they just thought I was stuck up or just plane being moody.
Until I got married oh did things change.
I tried pulling the same methods on my now husband in the beginning of our marriage in 2012 I thought oh if he doesn’t want to get with my program of how I run things with my body than he can hit the door. Yes I was so ready and willing to go down to the court house and file to get an Annulment, because it had only been less than 30 days since we’ve been Mr & Mrs Black. He really shocked me when he grabbed the keys to our apartment, and looked at me with a look of seriousness, and said are you ready. I answered with a loud voice
Yes I am
at that time we did not have a care, and we both started stomping down the street tossing words to each other of disrespect.
As i was continuing walking down the street the Lord begin to let me know that you are throwing away the man that I sent to come make you whole, and at that time I didn’t care if Jesus came down and told this to me face to face. I was a broken woman on the verge of a melt down & I really didn’t care whom I took down with me. My mind was so foggy and unclear. All I ever want was to be love, and for once have someone understand Jeree’.
Well moments later the man that I loved and was now married to stopped, and shock me and, said I don’t believe in divorce. We’re going to work out these issues. At that moment a sense of discomfort fell over me. Why? Because I didn’t understand at that moment if he truly cared for me or if he just was doing for the sake of not getting a divorce, because of his unbelief in them.
Any How Let me tell you the update after almost 4 years of working on this with my husband I am happy to report that things are more clearer, and we have become more free together in our intimacy both sexual and mentally. I now know that going through hard things in life you can overcome them with the right mindset and prayer.
The scripture that God lead me to this morning is Genesis 2: 18-25
And the Lord said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
SN: Ladies it’s time to stop using your cupcake as a weapon against your husband. You have to learn how to resort to prayer and by fasting to work on you and as well as the changes that you desire within your marriage.
Hello! My name is Jereè and I began this BLOG to share my journey as a Woman unapologetically as I start the process of mending the pieces of my broken life with God’s help by sharing my life #UnMended while Baring the deepest parts of myself has been very hard, but is so worth it in the end to see the woman I’ll become. So Cheers to healing, and to celebrating my freedon as a woman, in love, in life, and in faith. May you also grow from what I’ve grown from. Xo Jereè