Posts Tagged “The Struggle of Sexual Impurity”

The Struggle of Sexual Impurity: Part 2

The Struggle of Sexual Impurity: Part 2

When the door to sexual sin becomes a revolving door in your personal life!

My life has been so crazy, and so out of whack all because I want to remain in my feelings about a lot of stuff that did not go in my favor. i feel like the choices that I have been making lately has really affected my clarity of how I see things in my life, and how I am not strong enough spiritually to fight these sexual desires away.

Each time i tell myself, and every time I promise God that I am going to do better in having sex outside of marriage I fell horribly, because I am in this situation-ship with this guy that I adore, but I know that he is not right for me. I tired to listen to reason of why i should let go of him, and the more I put my foot down the more I miss him; but what about the need of my spiritual life? Is always pops inside of my head.

 

Now days I tend to allow this flesh of mine to clearly go against what God is commanding me to do, and i keep going down this road of repentance, and I am tired of being apologetic of the same repeated offense. How can I keep going to God with the same action of sin? I know that there is something that I can do in order to fight off thiese sexual desire. I tried fasting for days on end, and this did not help because currently myself, and the one that I am addicted to in the bedroom share the same residents. I know I need to fix this, and I will soon; because this is taking a toll on my life.

I know I need to do something that is totally outside of my comfort zone, but something that I am totally use to, and that I know will work to get me out of this state that I am in. I have to fast it out for the next 90 days’ So starting tonight at 12:00 A.M PST I will be starting a purity fast which I will be blogging daily on my fasting blog ——-> https://fasting.mendthevow.com I will be going something with no food all day long, and on some days I will get maybe one meal per day. I need to do this cleanse to help me get stronger within myself, and with my relationship with God.

 

S/N: I have been working so hard on, and off to really move forward in living in purity, but every time I do this here comes temptation. Either I go to it or it comes to me, and I feel shameful after the fact when I know I should have not allow it to happen in the first place. This is literally killing my spirit, and this is why I am openly sharing my stuggles with you all in order to shed light that when your in ministry things are not always pretty. There are dark moments, and dark seasons that goes on, and that are not discussed openly.

I sincerely pray that if there is anyone that is going through anything similar to what I am going through just know that you can trackle this sin with fasting, and praying your way out of it. The trap may have been set by your flesh, but you can sincerely worship your way out of this mess.

 

We have to always remember that God’s grace is sufficient.

2 Corinthians 12:9 King James Version (KJV)

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

I hve to admit there are times where I just want to scream, kick, and roll on the ground this is how messed up I am currently in my season, but I have to know that I have made this bed of affliction, and i know that I can not just rest in it. I have to use better judgment, and I have to rely on God rather than my own strength to get me through this.

The Struggle of Sexual Impurity: Part 1

The Struggle of Sexual Impurity: Part 1

There is no easy way to discuss sexual impurity when everyone is rising above the standard norm, and waiting to have sex until the day that they exchange vows with the Mr. I’ve been really feeling funny for the last few days, and i really did not know whether I would talk about this topic or leave it alone entirely.

I have been experiencing some difficult times in my life, and while going through this harsh moments in my life I have

have notice one thing in my life that has been consistent, and that God pulling me out of the pit of traps that the enemy, and or myself has setup for me. I do not trust myself as of last, because I keep making some really foolish choices, and I keep making excuses as to why my decisions are relevant to my life.

 

I feel like I off balance, and every time i try to pick up the pieces of my life, and place it before God in some form or fashion things in my life explode again. I get so irritated by the littlest of things, and my attitude is on high alert as of late (don’t judge me I’m human, and if you knew the full deets you”d know why I said what I said.)

I’ve been chilling with someone, sleeping with someone, and i fell in love with someone all while still being married on paper. I feel like the worst person in the entire world, because this is something that I highly frowned upon when my then husband at the time was out doing it to me. I thought I was just going to get my bones retouched, and or just enjoy myself while I was in this funk of depression. But generally I allowed myself to get caught up in my feelings, and I allowed myself to get to t=know this person on a deeper level.

 

Now before you started pondering where am I seeking God in all of this, and how could I do such a thing knowing that i serve a community of women. let me make this as clear as I possibly can. In the first month of me being in the presence of this person I fought against it all the advances, the attraction, and the deepness that his eye brought into my own eyes when he looked at me. I knew that I was stepping into something that I could not control even if I wanted to.

 

I abandoned my morals for my flesh, and I abandoned God for the pleasures of my body. I do however regret it, but now I’m in it. There is not a moment of regret in speaking about this to you all. I know that I can not be a hypocrite by saying i want to lead women to living a life of freedom in Christ if i chose to remain silent in what I am currently in. I wanted to make a clear path for any woman that is afraid to speak up on this topic knowing that it is shameful, and not in the light of Jesus.

 

I thought about what would people say about me once I made up my mind to write this post, but in all actuality it is not there lives to live, and I have to correct my wrongs, and get back right with God. I can not I repeat I can not serve the women that God has placed in my life while I’m living what seems to be my best life in a false mind set. Did that make any sense of what I just said?

Sometimes the truth is hard to tell because of where one might be in their current circumstances, but as for me i can only breathe one breath in, and out at a time. i know that there are a lot of things, and choices that I could have make differently, but I did, and I am here with everything that I am facing. I am in a whole relationship with sexual impurity, I am not at all focused on being judged, because my truth is my truth. 

I am in not glorifying my action in any way shape or form, but what I will say is what found me is something that I was not looking for in no type of way, but when the heart confront what it needs what is it to do with itself?  I know that this way is not right in the eye sight of God, and i know that I am not suppose to be involved with anyone while I am currently going through a divorce, and while I am getting back up, and building my relationship back with God.

I am not going to minimize where I am in my life nor am i going to act like everything between myself, and God is all good, but what I do know is this is life right now, and I know that I will not always be in the lane that I am in right now. There is a saying that you can not help who you love, and you can not fight who loves you back.

i would never recommend to any woman that she should get into a relationship with anyone while going through a break-up or in my case going through a divorce. It just happened, and in the beginning I fought against it with all of my might, and I resisted the natural of chemistry that was there the whole time between us, but after just talking, and hanging around each other on a daily basis a relationship form, and the rest is history.

There is a lesson that I am learning from all of this, and there is a level of maturity that I found out about myself, and it’s that I can not help women if I can not help dig myself out of the hole that I dug for myself. I have been so stressed out, so uneasy about allowing myself to discuss this part of my life openly without justifying it.Well here I am, and this is my life in the messiest season that I have ever experienced before ever in my life.

 

I am still finding my way back to the faith, and while its not easy I still have to allow God into all of this mess that I have made for myself. i know that he is not just going to come in, and rescue me right as I need Him too. There is a measure of grace that i know covers my life, and i do not take this for granted not one bit.

When sexual impurity creeped into my life i lost my connection with God, and I lost my sense of self. I grabbed ahold to what felt good to this flesh. I stopped praying, and I stopped attending church, because I fed my flesh instead o feeding what mattered the most my spirit man.

 

What matters in the in between of life, and the present is the way you place your focus back on who matters the most, and that is God. So my prayer daily is to ask God to guide me back to Him. Whatever it takes I’m all in.

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