Last night was the worst night since we’ve been meshing things back into what seems to be our new norm. I have been in a spiritual battle that can’t come to an end because I seem to be constantly warning with my flesh. I am growing tired of believing that we can survive this affair, and the not some happy place of what happened before the separation, and the affair. I am constantly tugging on my heart to hold on, but I feel like I am drowning in my own tears.
I try to find ways to stay motivated, but what am I suppose to do when the thought of the affair comes to my mind? I pray daily for strength, and even that it draining because I am fighting against how I feel, and what God is leading me to do. I want to give up on him, and just separate myself from everything that reminds me of this life with him.
but how would I go on with myself knowing that I could possibly be aborted a mission that God is instructing me to see through? Am I beating myself up too much or am I just living fleshly while riding the wave of the spirit?
There are things that have happened or that I feel that has happened that is making me lose all hope in him again. I feel like he is out there messing around again, and every single time I ask him he says it not true, and when I talk it over with my friends all they can say is did you pray about it? And my honest answer is to scream ” I am tired of praying.” this is my true feeling at the time. Why would prayer be the first thing that they always initiate as an answer to all my answers?
[bctt tweet=”I fear the changes are unveiling the anchor in my marriage. For every tear I’ve cried the savior is there comfort me. ” username=”@mendthevow”]
I truly am uncertain of what to believe anymore! Do I really need to self-reflect on is true, and what is driving my insecurities? or do I just throw caution to the wind, and let time speak of itself? The shift of trust has fallen from my view and the more that I think about how I want to build, and how I want to love, and how I want to heal it all becomes a blur of unnoted things that may be an unchecked list that will somehow remain just a thought in my mind.
As i thought things over, and asked God some questions concerning my husband I felt peace in the put of my spirit. see the enemy will try to distance you from desiring to move forward he not only wanted me to believe that my husband was up to no good but he want me to question God. I now know that I must equip myself more in prayer, and stop allowing my insecurities to ruin my frame of mind when it comes to me mending the peices of my broken vows.
Hello! My name is Jereè and I began this BLOG to share my journey as a Woman unapologetically as I start the process of mending the pieces of my broken life with God’s help by sharing my life #UnMended while Baring the deepest parts of myself has been very hard, but is so worth it in the end to see the woman I’ll become. So Cheers to healing, and to celebrating my freedon as a woman, in love, in life, and in faith. May you also grow from what I’ve grown from. Xo Jereè