Posts Tagged “Why Is It So Hard To Stay Happily Married?”

Why Is It So Hard To Stay Happily Married?

Why Is It So Hard To Stay Happily Married?

There are times where I never wanted to admit on any levels that I was wrong about anything, and I’ve always thought that if someone pointed out something that they didn’t like about me than it would be that they had the problem, and not myself that had the problem. I use to be the type of woman that never wanted to reflect on the wrongs within my own life or with the people that I had issues with. Nothing could make me past what someone was saying about me, because I always thought that they were judging me, and that things things that they were saying couldn’t be true. I never cared to look past what I felt to see what they were staying.

Until one day I said I do, I pledged to give my true self to my husband, and this is almost 4 years in the making, and this morning I found myself right back at that place of resistance to hear the truth about myself. Why? , because what was being said hurt my feeling. But I had to step back and recognize that My husband was telling me what bother him about me out of love, so that I can fix them, but I didn’t look at it like that. I felt like he was just throwing the judgement stick towards me, and I could see it any other way until he left for work this morning, and I started to talk to one of my good friends I told her what happened between myself, and as well as my husband and her advice shocked me. I had time to weigh out everything, and I choose to fix it, because I had to really be mature to think of what my husband was saying.

The insight to what was being said was challenging, and although it was hard to swallow I had to think about where my husband was coming from, and I know that I want to make him happy, and as well be the complete person that I am putting in the work and time to become. I found that since this morning I am praying more about the things that I don’t see in myself that my husband does. It’s things like this that can make your marriage dimmer, because as women we may not want to see what we do not recognize within ourselves. If our husbands are telling us something out of love, and we get offended just because they mention something that you need to change or lacking motivation in certain areas in your life. Why do we get so caught up in our feelings instead of looking at the reality of whats being said?

Sustaining a loving, and happy marriage doesn’t just work on one end, but yet on both parties end. this whole “Happy Wife Happy Life” Crap has to go…. It’s not about just the wife being happy, but about the husband & wife being happy together. You have to take out the time to consider the point, and place of where and what your husband is telling you. I had to and I am challenging you to do the same. love without works is dead, and it’s time for us wives to stand up, and be the true Proverbs 31 wives that God has designed us to be. No more potting, and more more running from the truth about ourselves. You know what you’re not doing right in your life, in your marriage, in the bedroom to please and make certain that your husband is happy.

Here are 7 tips to a lasting healthy happy Marriage.

What makes a happy union?

“A happy marriage has two people who love each other very much and are committed to bringing out the best in each other.” For instance, if your partner is struggling with an issue at work, you listen to them, talk about the situation and ask how you can support them, she said. “You basically have each other’s back.”

A happy marriage also has a climate of positive energy, which includes gratitude and appreciation, she said.

Habits can either create or destroy this positive climate. “Most people might say that they don’t have any habits.” But everyone does. You just might not realize it. For instance, complaining to your partner about not taking out the trash or not preparing dinner can become a habitual complaint, she said.

Other negative habits include criticism, contempt, sarcasm, eye-rolling and distancing behaviors, she said.

“The trick is to harness healthy daily habits as opposed to destructive habits to create a positive climate” in your marriage. And these habits don’t have to be grand gestures or sweeping changes.

Bush thinks of these healthy habits as “very small, almost imperceptible, easy things to do” throughout the day. (Incorporating small habits increases the chance that you’ll actually do them.)

Below, she shared seven small but significant gestures you can incorporate in your day-to-day life.

1. Greet your partner lovingly in the morning.

When you first see your spouse, instead of having a negative or even neutral interaction, greet them with a positive statement, Bush said. It could be anything from “I’m glad to wake up beside you” to “I’m so happy to be married to you,” she said. The key is to be positive and loving.

2. Send a sweet text.

“Use modern-day technology to stay connected” throughout the day by sending your spouse a playful, flirtatious or sweet text, Bush said. Write anything from “I miss you” to “I can’t wait to see you tonight,” she said.

3. Reunite with a hug.

“Often people will reunite and it’s unconsciously thoughtless,” Bush said. For instance, partners might focus more on checking the mail or criticizing, such as “Why didn’t you cook dinner?” or “Why didn’t you take out the trash?”

Instead, any time you reunite with your partner, “have an intentional hug that lasts 20 seconds.” This is actually longer than the average hug, and it’s “long enough for oxytocin, the bonding hormone, to be released.”

4. Touch your partner at mealtime.

When you’re eating dinner together, make it a point to touch your partner. You might touch their hand or arm, or your legs might touch, she said.

5. Compliment your partner at the end of the day.

Many marriages, Bush said, suffer from chronic under-appreciation. Partners don’t feel appreciated, and they, too, don’t show their appreciation, she said. The relationship becomes clouded by a “sense of lack and taking each other for granted.”

She suggested couples end the day by thanking each other for one small act they did that day. It could be anything from “Thanks for picking up the dry cleaning” to “Thanks for making dinner” to “Thanks for hanging out with my family.”

Not only does your partner feel appreciated after your compliment, but “you start to train yourself to look for the good. You focus your attention on the things they do, not just what they don’t do.”

Also, when you go on dates, compliment each other’s appearance, she added.

6. Express your needs from a place of vulnerability.

“Often people will criticize as a way of describing their needs,” Bush said. So instead of a request, it comes out as an attack. For instance, if you’re annoyed that your spouse is on the computer, you might say, “You’re always on the computer.”

Instead, try: “I’d like to spend some time with you. Could you spend some time with me?” This invites a dialogue between partners, she said.

7. Feel each other’s breath.

This might sound like a strange practice, but it’s a powerful way to enhance your intimacy. Put your hands on each other’s chest or belly and feel your partner’s breathing, Bush said. Synch your breath together for one minute. Some couples also look into each other’s eyes.

Some days you probably won’t feel like showing appreciation or being affectionate. You might be in a miserable mood or downright exhausted. But try it anyway.

“If you do a loving behavior, you start to feel more loving,” Bush said. She likened it to feeling depressed. “You don’t want to do the things that will make you feel better. And, yet, when you do the things that make you feel better, you feel better.”

Also, keep in mind that time with your spouse is finite. People don’t realize that their relationship can end because of a divorce or death, Bush said. She works with many grieving spouses, who would “give anything for one more hug and kiss.” “ Be willing to show up” for your relationship.

I’m going to end this with a post that I shared on My personal FaceBook Page the other day.

The devil is moving to break apart families, marriages, friendships, your relationship with God. Don’t allow it. Pray for your strength to keep your mouth closed, and leaned how to fight back with prayer. Prayer works because God hears the prayers of his children.

 

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