The Lonely Road Of Grace
i keep on falling for the same mistakes that I keep saying that i want to break, but somehow I keep finding my selif in the same place. There are a lot of reason that keep filtering into my mind like am I the reason that love keeps being recycled in my life or have I lost touch of what really matter when it comes to being loyal to someone that is loyal to me.
There is this yearning that is in the pits of my stomach that i can’t not seem to shake. Like will there ever be some real in peace in my life or will there ever be an end to the madness of my past that keeps striking the match under my feet that puts me into defense mold to run to a corner, and get into a placke to guard myself.
I am really tired of submitting to the fear of my past wondering when the next thing is going to take place. I have suppressed a lot in for a long time, and I realize that I have a lot of healing to do; so I am promising myself that I am not going to allow anything or anyone to take me off course this time; because healing is at this point in my life is very important to me.
What can i say about the un-pictured perfect way that my life is going. I am not ready for my life to go on without the fact that my marriage is already in the final stages well after I turn in the final paper work. I keep telling myself it’s over, and that I need to move on with my life; so that I can be a better woman for myself. I may never be ready to enter into another marriage again, but just for the sake of thinking I want to be right for myself first, and whomever God sends to find me.
I guess there is this thing that I am not paying attention to, and I think it is getting the best of me. Surrendering all the way to God’s will, and while it may not be an easy thing to do I keep getting up after I fall, make a huge mistake knowing i should have never allowed myself to go down that path.
What I am learning in all of this is that there is no compromising with it comes to God either you are in all the way or you are not. You can not try to defend what you think is the right move for your life knowing that it goes against the very will oof God for your life. Now in some case people may agree to disagree but I digress.
I’m beginning to think that I am becoming the lesson of a daily post that is healing me, and other; because every time something hurts, harms, and or hinders me I find peace knowing that this is a guideline for me to see how I am healing in my journey to getting closer to fulfilling my purpose.
I tend to think that I am slipping away from God sometimes because of the horrible choices that I have made in my life, but as I was in the bathroom earlier today I was so sorrowful, and I felt tears in my eyes about to fall down my face, and I heard God whisper in my ear “You’re my princess.” I cried even more because i know that God’s love for me is completely genius without any borders.
I have to se my breakthrough in faith, and while I am in an unbalanced transition in my life right now I have to learn how to be gateful to God in all things; because I do realize that it could be worse for me.
So here’s the strategy of me letting go of all these things that i do not need to hold onto in my life.
Toxic relationship includes: blood related, long time friend, and sadly my compatibility partner
Feelings Such as: abandonment issues, guilt of failure, fear of being alone forever
Unclean habits like: Re-visiting times, and places that brings to a place of being victimized all over again; because I try to reason why it had to be me, and how come no one really protected me as a young girl.
Here are 6 key point to look at if you are struggling in these area of releasing people out of your life
The dissolution : of a union to first sperate one’s self from the relationship. he next step is to process yourself from the emotional ties that formed the ties that bind to to with person.
The emotional bondage: comes from a familiar spirit that attaches itself to you after yuou have experienced a leve of hurt rom someone that you love.
Frustration: comes when you feel stupid for not admitting that there were red flag that you choose not topay attention to.
The determination: to let go, and not to re-open the door to this relationship ever again.
Healing: the thoughts that comes when you are unsure if how to feel. I knowthat this will be a tool to work on for the next level of mindset growth.
The reassurance : of protecting your heart is not to give it out to anyone that God did not send to find your heart, and treat it as God intended it to be treated.
I sincerely pray that this has helped you as much as it is guiding me to fully understand what is good for my life, and what is not good. Feeding my spirit is really important to me, and i pray that this journey will get better soon.