The Stagnant Place

The Stagnant Place

Sometimes I wonder to myself will I ever get out of this drought that I am in. I felt like this for a long while, and I stopped trying to exscape the thought of whether purpose is for me or not. I cannot even get a prayer out of my mouth, and it has been like 2 months since I really talked to God.

I was really hoping that this sesson would end on me releasing whatever I picked up along the way, but to my surprise I am still stuck in this same dead spiritual position, and I do not see myself coming out anytime soon. I really am not understand why God’s grace is sufficient even after all the things that i have done that I said I’d never to while being still married on paper to someone that I use to love, and be in love with.

 

Here’s where I am…. 

  • I am in a whole relationship with someone whom I absolutely adore, and he adores me.
  • I am in no way ending it, because I am safe in where my heart is with him,
  • I am allowing this to slowly form without rushing into anything without it being on both ends.
  • I am mad at myself because my prayer life is not in any way where it usually is.
  • I am releasing the most transparent parts of myself, because I do not want to stay in this state.
  • I am challenging myself to get back up, and get back focused on my potential, and my purpose.
  • i am however a little bit depressed, because I am currently an unbalanced woman.
  • I am seeking to heal my heart, and while doing that the hearts of other women.

Then There’s the other side of me!

Sometimes i wish I could turn back the hadns of time, and just slap myself for being so weak minded as a wife, and as a woman. The first time that he cheated, and the first time that we separated I should have learned from his actions, and I should have filed for divorce.

The mind of a woman….

As a Woman, and friend I always find myself giving the most profound advice, but when it comes to giving, and following advice for my own life I often tend to back track, and try to see the hope in a hopeless situation. Does this makes me a bad person for trying to see the good in someone?

 

I guess this is life for me right now.

There are some chapters in my life that are unfolding right now that I am adjusting to, and there are a lot of chapters in my life that have ended, and I do not want to ever read again. I am learning to try to take each day as they come, and to cherish the people in my life that loves me for me.