The Struggle of Sexual Impurity: Part 2
When the door to sexual sin becomes a revolving door in your personal life!
My life has been so crazy, and so out of whack all because I want to remain in my feelings about a lot of stuff that did not go in my favor. i feel like the choices that I have been making lately has really affected my clarity of how I see things in my life, and how I am not strong enough spiritually to fight these sexual desires away.
Each time i tell myself, and every time I promise God that I am going to do better in having sex outside of marriage I fell horribly, because I am in this situation-ship with this guy that I adore, but I know that he is not right for me. I tired to listen to reason of why i should let go of him, and the more I put my foot down the more I miss him; but what about the need of my spiritual life? Is always pops inside of my head.
Now days I tend to allow this flesh of mine to clearly go against what God is commanding me to do, and i keep going down this road of repentance, and I am tired of being apologetic of the same repeated offense. How can I keep going to God with the same action of sin? I know that there is something that I can do in order to fight off thiese sexual desire. I tried fasting for days on end, and this did not help because currently myself, and the one that I am addicted to in the bedroom share the same residents. I know I need to fix this, and I will soon; because this is taking a toll on my life.
I know I need to do something that is totally outside of my comfort zone, but something that I am totally use to, and that I know will work to get me out of this state that I am in. I have to fast it out for the next 90 days’ So starting tonight at 12:00 A.M PST I will be starting a purity fast which I will be blogging daily on my fasting blog ——-> https://fasting.mendthevow.com I will be going something with no food all day long, and on some days I will get maybe one meal per day. I need to do this cleanse to help me get stronger within myself, and with my relationship with God.
S/N: I have been working so hard on, and off to really move forward in living in purity, but every time I do this here comes temptation. Either I go to it or it comes to me, and I feel shameful after the fact when I know I should have not allow it to happen in the first place. This is literally killing my spirit, and this is why I am openly sharing my stuggles with you all in order to shed light that when your in ministry things are not always pretty. There are dark moments, and dark seasons that goes on, and that are not discussed openly.
I sincerely pray that if there is anyone that is going through anything similar to what I am going through just know that you can trackle this sin with fasting, and praying your way out of it. The trap may have been set by your flesh, but you can sincerely worship your way out of this mess.
We have to always remember that God’s grace is sufficient.
2 Corinthians 12:9 King James Version (KJV)
9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
I hve to admit there are times where I just want to scream, kick, and roll on the ground this is how messed up I am currently in my season, but I have to know that I have made this bed of affliction, and i know that I can not just rest in it. I have to use better judgment, and I have to rely on God rather than my own strength to get me through this.