Understanding Where I Am

Understanding  Where I Am

Over the last few month i have been really going through some highs, and some very lows in my life. I never thought that I would be at a place where i would be considering moving on with my life, and finding a connection with someone else. The facts are i’m married, but at the same time i feel single as hell.

myslef, and my husband have been separated, and noncommunitive for a very long time. What a wife to do? Am i suppose to just sit around waiting on him, and rejecting what I need? I know that there is a lot of prayer, labor, and love that has been place on my behalf, and on the behalf of other people that I KNOW, and some that I do not know. I am wondering if the promises for my marriage that God has shown me all in my heart, and in my head.

 

I can not seem to get my head out the clouds long enough to stop focusing on what was in my marriage. I mean do not get me wrong i miss my husband derly daily, and sometimes I do wonder if he ever thinks about me at all. Soemtimes love is just love, and some times people are just a distant memory. I mean come on! How would you feel knowing your husband has a whole girlfriend, and he is living with her, and he might or might not be happily living life, and moving ahead with this new person.

I feel very distant from everyone in my life from this experience of not being with my husband, and it is killing me right now, because currently I am in StarBucks listening to this guy singing this love song that he is currently writing , and it is breaking my heart. i can not help but to want to tell him to shut the hell up because he is making me think of all the sad times I recently had shedding countless tear over missing my husband so dang much .

 

I know that ultimately I have to place my full trust in God to see the outcome of the promises that He has concerning my marriage it just hard at this point because someone else has taken a real interest in me, and although I am curving them I just do not know how long that is going to work because I have things in my life that I desire to complished like having children, and fulfilling things with someone in my life that I can not do by myself.

It is hard to stand for a marriage when only one half of the party is standing, and sometimes the sound of divroce sounds much better than waiting it out. I have been through enough while waiting for someone that clearly displays that he is no longer interested in being in my life. I do not even know how his touch feels any more, and I do not even remember the curve of his smile. I am in a lane where anyting can happen like him calling me, and I would not get excited. I would just answer the phone without having a reaction to the fact that the man I love is on the other end of the phone.

 

I know that we are all born with common sense, and that when there is adultery invovled that the bible grants us grounds to get a divorce, but what matters to me is seeing God’s law, and promise fulfilled more than anything in my marriage. I am just side tracked with when, and where it will all come together. I am really hangning on by a thread, and I do not want to move on, and boom my husband is all on when ike I love you again. I feel so weird in this season of my life, and I pray to heaven that God rescues me from me.

 

Have you ever experience being shifted in another direction other than what God has been saying concerning your marriage?

 

Let me know below in the comment section.