What I Never Expected (Part 1)
Have you ever grown apart from your biological sis?
Well, I did in some periods of my life, and it felt like I was dying on the inside of my heart because I was surviving off of love from a little sister to an older sis, and we never mature in our relationship as a sister because we were so distance in adulthood. I and my oldest sister are 10 years apart, and she raised me from the age of 10 years old until the age of 22 years old
In 1994 my mother moved me and my 4 other siblings to northern California, and the connection between my sister, and I was really strained. I did not see her as often as I did when we lived in Southern California, and we did not talk as much either. We barely spoke on the phone, and the years went by, and I went from being 12 years old missing my sister to learning to deal with not seeing her for more than 5 years of my teenage years.
Here are the things she went through some hard times in her life, and she had to move in with us back in 1999, and she came back into my life in full-blown big sis mold. I was living what I thought was my best life at the time. I was dating this drug dealer let’s call him “Theodore.” I was really in a place in my life where I thought I was going to be with this man for the rest of my life. (teenage ambition.) LoL!
My mother was working, and preaching all over the country, and I was at a home solo in a victorian house that was laid hunity. One day my sister came into town to what I thought was only for a visit… But to my surprise, it was for an extended stay, and I did not have a problem with it until sis began to interfere with my life and my allowance. She started to tell my mother that I had way too much freedom for a teenage girl and that she was giving me way too much money.
I was in a place of disbelief when my mother started to decrease my allowance, and my sister begins to place certain rules as to when, and where I would be able to spend time with my boyfriend. I was shocked that my mother was going along with the rules of what was being handed down by a sister that I did not see in forever and that she was able to secure a voice in the choices that were made about me. I was subjected to rules, and times to be back in the hours at certain hours because it was a school night. I went from being carefree to being isolated within my own house.
I was so mad to the point that I wanted her to leave because she was ruining my life. I could hang out when, and where I wanted to, and the only thing that she kept telling me was it is for your own good. I was tired of having structure shoved down my throat when I was not familiar with it in the first place. Here are the things my relationship with my sister never fully developed from 12 – 17 years old, and back then I was no trying to here anything that she had to say because I felt as if she abandoned me by starting her own family, and left m behind in the process.
I did not realize at the time that I held so much resentment towards her, and I felt the aftermath in my heart of the distance that was between her, and me. I wanted to express how I felt so many times but the anger in my heart would not allow me to release those emotions until a few years went by.
Join me next Monday, January 11, 2021 as I revisit this topic in Part 2 of What I Never Expected