What I Never Expected (Part 3)
The expectations that I’ve placed on my sister as a child was a pretty r selfish things to request now that I set back and think of things as a grown woman.
My sister started her family at a pretty young age, and I believe it was a way of escaping the house of toxicity that plagued us all daily.
I remember getting pretty lonely as a child when my sister was not around I would be so withdrawn from the rest of the family but as soon as she came to visit or stay for a while it seemed like everything else that I was going through did not matter because I felt safe with her.
When she had her first child I really was in shock to see this little person soaking in all the love, time, and motherly attention that I once received from my sister. I was so focused on not allowing this little one to come in on a full cutie pie ride in our family. LOL! Of course, I tried to do any, and everything to get rid of my niece. I did know exactly how because I was an 8-year-old child that just wanted the spotlight back on me.
Here’s what happened…
- I broke my niece crip so she would just go to her dad’s house or somewhere else so that I would not have to share the moments of laughter, and sweet hugs with her from my sissy.
- I thought that if I put her feet in the toilet that she would just go down there wherever there was.
- I sneezed on her to give her my cold
- I Purposely did not hold her or speak to her for the first month of her little life.
The lessons that I learned from doing all of those bad deeds was nothing worked because my niece was now an important little person in our family.
I ended up looking down in the crib and noticed that little face looking up at me smiling. “They replaced the said crib that I broke.”
She grew on me, and I resented my sister even more through the years because although I loved my little niece She was still dividing the time that I should have been spending with my sister this is what I thought as an 8-year-old.
As I grew from an 8-year-old young girl into a pre-teen life got harder, and so did the hatred that was being suppressed over the years in my heart towards my sister. I did not understand her reasoning for wanting to just leave just because she had a child. Nothing made sense to me, and at 12 years old I began to consume strong alcoholic beverages to calm down the war that was battling within me.
I needed my sis, and I did not understand I just did know why she was not there for me like she once was in my life. as I grew up I needed answers, and now it’s was time to talk face to face… #womantowoman
Join me next Monday, January 25, 2021, for the final post into this series of What I Never Expected