What Shaped Me: Reflecting on 2017 – 2020
The effects of separation
When the season of this second period of seperation occured this year i was still feeling the effects of the separation from last year, and I was wondering how could this happen back to back with no healing point to encounter. There was this dark cloud over my marriage where there were many layers of heart ache, and heartbreak.I did not was to submit to what God was saying to me beofre this hard fall in my marriage. i was so tired of being on the bad end with my husband, but i was so fixated on not forgiving hik for moving out, and having an affair to where it blinded my spiritual eyes to see where God was redirecting my attention in Him. I gave my husband’s heart a lot of scars, and I gave him a lot of reason to want to leave, and he did just that.
There is a saying “if you love something let it kgo, and if it comes back you know it’s yours.” well I do not live by those rules anymore because my husband is not a possession he is a man after God’s own heaer despite of the mistakes that he has is or not making. I t is not my place to correct him, but I must stand while praying Gid’s mercy, and grace over his life, and his future ministry. I know that this separation period has challenged my life, my heart, and my faith to no end, but the beauty of it all is finding unmeasurable trust in God even when the promise does not seem promise I have learned to be content in the season of separation.
The price of waiting
The promise is solely attached to the obedience of everything that god has been directing me to. God showed me in moents in time that is decision for my marriage is not based on what i thought or what my husband thought but what he has joined together in us for his purpose, and for His will to preveil in. There has been many night where I prayed, and cried, and prayed until all I could do is crying whle falling to sleep wishing my husband could just hold me for a little while. God has to literally rock me in His arms for me to feel his heart.
I would get so anxious to see or talk to my husband to where I would begin to plot on ways to get him to come se me, and God would legit cause me to calm down, and settle my emotions while remidning me that this is a process that has to take place, and things will have to be done in His timing. This is the wait that is without compromise, without getting in the way of God not even for a thrill of a moment of passion. I have to wait to kiss, to hug, to sleep next to my husband that is the hardest thing to endure right now.
The steps to preparing for what i have prayed for
Waiting in obedience
Conquering the storm
How I met my best friend
Taking care of me
Learning to lean on God more often than not
Seasons of friendships
Taking care of home when he is away from home
I became an entrepreneur
When the light clicks on
Building on purpose