Wreckage In The Storm. What Are You Loosing To Gain Ground?p
The level of things that I had to release from my life in these past seasons of my life were not easy to just walk away from I fought silent battles, cried a lot of tears. – Jereè Founder of Mend The Vow
In 2017 I faced a seasonn in my marriage that sent me on a quest of prayer seeking God for the healing of my soul because I was so out of whack when it came to my alignment in being consistent with God, and being before Him consistently.
Here’s what made me crawl to God on my hands, and knees.
my husband was having an affair with one of his co-worker
I felt so unloved, and weary of how I was going to end up living apart from God
I was barely attending church
my life was so empty, and without any sense of purpose
I was battling suicdual thoughts
I was severely depressed
I gave up on myself, and who i knew God to be in my life faded away
There were a lot of things that have placed me on a journey of where I am currently in my love walk with God. Sometimes I felt like I could have one foot in, and one foot out still serving God, and still doing me. I know that is so wrong but I did it, and I suffered a great deal for the bed that i made for myself.
[ctt template=”10″ link=”ic9fd” via=”no” ]Being who I am Now In God makes me appreciate giving up who I use to be in the world.[/ctt]
A year ago I found myself in another man’s bed shaken from the betrayal of the adultery that sparked in my married I was just like him now an adulterous ashamed but satistied in my flesh.
A relationship kindled out of the affair that sparked in last April of 2019 I was so unhappy but played happy because I wanted to be engaged in sex but without the commitment of a relationship that back fired so quickly because the D took me over, and the connection gripping the longing of my heart to connct with someone that deeply twained to the call of my deepest cry,
Here what quick took place that should not have but did anyway.
I fell in love with him
I pushed my hurt as far back into the background to focus on this relationship
I dedicated my entire self to a man I barely knew
I was so taken of how he ate up everythng that was about me, and it made me feel like i was on cloud nine. I was elated in my new flase skin knowing dang well I ws on a rollercoaster ride within my emotions. I found myself living a double emotional life….. There were times I would go in the bathroom and run the water, and just cry because I missed my husband sooooooo much.
There came a point in this relationship where it was either suffer in silent happiness within this toxic balloon of a relationship or decide to launch out into the deep with God all the way.
Well I got tired of ” waiting on him.: so I decided to leave with fear, and frustration at the door way of my heart I pack the little that I had, and left California never to decide here again.
Listen to my spoken word track below
This year I had to make a close call decision to leave what I thought was my forever home which was California to journey to a land that I’d never stepped on Mississippi. A place that I have no ties to, and a place that I never understood as to where why God would shuffle me thousands of miles away from everything that I was so use to being around.
The moment I left California was on a Friday I took three bags with me at two backpacks I had to travel by bus from Hemet California to Riverside California. While in California I had to wait for an a half hours just to catch the Metrolink let’s talk about dedication right! Space ￼
After boarding the Metrolink from Riverside to Los Angeles that took at least about 2 1/2 hours I’ve been reached downtown Los Angeles after getting off of the Metrolink.￼ I didn’t have to take a cab which was 10 bucks from point a to not nearly point B but it was what it was. And I reached the Greyhound station in downtown Los Angeles got out grab my bags and purchase my ticket and waited for 14 hours to board my bus from Los Angeles to Jackson Mississippi.￼
The whole trip took me a day and a half to get here that is Jackson Mississippi where I currently reside. Now let me take you through the trials and the real tribulations when I got here I cried my eyes out because I had dealt with a heart ache of being apart from him I’m not laying next to him of not being able to see him even after the mishaps of what happened you know that’s a dangerous side of love where people don’t tell you the side effects of the diagnosis of the toxins and dysfunction that you still have to deal with in those late night hours when you want to call that person and tell them hey I want to come back to you I miss youButb you got a find your strength how do you find strength when you’re weak and still in love?￼
Now the war begin in my personal time I started going to church again I started really really just getting back into prayer fasting giving it to God telling God what I didn’t like about myself till I got to reveal stuff things that I noticed that were hit in there and he did just that he show me who I was and him who I was without him and I had to make a tough choice to stay before I God because I didn’t want to go back to the old me.￼
As the war stirring on the inside of me I really had to acknowledge somethings faults of my own and we’re about to talk about those faults￼.
I entered into a relationship While covering a whole Band-Aid of pain.￼
I was unknowingly lonely I didn’t even pay attention to it.
I’d forsaken my relationship with God in order to pursue a relationship that wasn’t even for me.￼￼
In my heart of hearts I knew that I wanna be in this relationship for the long-haul because I kept on seeing red flags that I ignored but I want to make it work because I didn’t want to try again with anyone else this is called The stuck Theory￼.￼￼
I really had to focus on my faults as I stated earlier and I really had to dive deep into who I want to become as a woman and who I didn’t want to return two of my past. I cried out to God after I dealt with some pain of my own. And I really really allow God to transform me it wasn’t easy I cried I really cried and where I am now as a woman I’m still healing.
I had to lose myself and order forgot to find me and him I said I say that backwards I have to lose myself in order forgot to make way for me to find myself and him again.
There’s a lot of misconception when God calls you people thank you Tesora up and that she just get the glory and that she just get the anointing and that it just comes in it just flows it’s a daily battle to hold onto who you are in God because the enemy is so swift to come in and tear you apart if you give him leeway￼￼.
I’ve learned in the season that the weapons are or in our warfare are not carnal but they are mighty in the spirit and then we have to learn how to use our spiritual weapons accordingly we can’t be hot or cold or lukewarm we have to choose one way with God and that’s being hot.